Decode
by oxBlueEyes15xo
Summary: No one knows what hell is like. Not when your surrounded by it, no where to run, no where to turn. Nothing but darkness. Nothing but the numb black hole called my heart.. What Happens when I do survive? Will I be able to forget my past?
1. Preface

**A/N: Hey um yeah Im really really sorry. You guys must really hate me. But you see, things have been hard lately, I've been really busy with school. Another reason is I lost a close friend, my best friend. And this is where this story came from. I'm writing it for her.**

**It's dark. Really dark, darker than most of my other stories. I've never written anything like this before. I'm not doing this for anyones benefit but my own. I hope that doesn't sound selfish, but I feel the need to tell her story. **

**This is for you Cat xox.**

**tell me what you think anyways. And I hope to update my other stories "She's All That" and "Everything You Want" soon.**

**Title: Decode**

Summary:

No one knows what hell is like. Not when your surrounded by it, no where to run, no where to turn. Nothing but darkness. Nothing but the numb black hole called my heart...

**Preface:**

It's dark.

So dark.

I can't see any light.

It's cold.

So cold.

And yet I feel nothing.

I can feel my heart pounding heavily in my chest. A wet substance runs down the side of my face, into my hair and finally my eyes. It's stench is strong. Finally it cliques.

Blood.

So much blood, my blood.

Where did it come from?

I can't breathe. Suffocating.

Is this what it feels like dying?Cause then I've been dead already. And it's my soul thats finally leaving me.

There's a figure standing over me. I want to scream, I want him to kill me. Let him take me. I say in my mind.

There is nothing left inside of me that he can ruin.

He broke me already. More than once.

He Killed me.

Took away my life.

Took away her life.

"Do it" I say. My voice sounding strange to my own ears. "DO IT!" I screamed hysterically. Staring. But not seeing.

I close my eyes. Feeling the loss of blood overtake me.

Until finally there was nothing...

**So what do you think? Tell me. Should I continue?**

**Liesy xox**


	2. Chapter 1: Decisions worth Making

**hmm soo it seems that not many people liked this..well I'm going to continue it anyway, cause I need to get it out, my friend Catrina needs to be known from some people..soo thank you to those 2 people who did review.**

**Decode:**

Chapter 1: Decisions worth making?

_How can I decide what's right?  
when you're clouding up my mind  
I can't win your losing fight,  
all the time _

_Decode-Paramore_

I feel disoriented, strange. I'm alive, I know that much. But I can't seem to open my eyes. I thought I had died? Why am I suddenly swimming in small pools of light and breathing evenly?. There isn't much noise, I can hear the odd beeping sound, coming from the heart monitor maybe? And also some talking, but I'm too out of hearing range to even know what there saying. Hearing something I open my eyes, to see a bright light shine in my eyes. What's going on?

"Can you tell me what day it is?" The strange man said, the one shinning the bright light in my eyes. I groaned softly. My throat was too dry to form any coherent sentences.Licking my lips, softly I said "Tuesday?"

"Correct, can you tell me your name?"

"Gabriella"

I had no intention of saying anything else so I just closed my eyes, trying to ignore the annoying voices. For once I wanted to do nothing and say nothing. Did he bring me here? Is this his way of killing me? But suddenly I heard a women's voice, a voice I hadn't heard before either but sounded kind and maybe even a bit worried?.

"Is she okay?"

"Yes I believe she's going to be okay. I'm sorry but how do you know her?"

"I don't"

"Then How-"

"I found her on the side of the road, I got there too late, but I saw a car driving away, I couldn't understand it at the time, but I walked closer and realized that it was a girl, there was a lot of blood, so much of it, I couldn't just leave her there, she was still breathing, so I did the first thing that came to mind, called the ambulance, and I had every intention of leaving then when we came to the hospital, but something made me stay, I know that she's a complete stranger and all but I couldn't leave her here alone, it's the mother in me you see"

The doctor nodded "You did the right thing, if you hadn't of found her when you did, she would have died right there"

"What are you going to do with her?"

"I don't know, once she's recovered I suppose the only thing we can do as a hospital is put her into foster care, which I hate doing but there isn't any other way" The doctor sighed "I see some crazy things here but nothing this sick and awful"

"What do you mean?" The ladies voice questioned.

"All I can say is, that she went through some traumatic events, that I can't personally state, as being the doctor it's not my place to say anything"

The lady breathed out "I can understand your reasoning"

There was silence and I was about ready to open my eyes when I heard the lady say "I'll take her"

"What?"

"I can foster her, I have enough room, I've taken in kids like her before, I have the right papers stating so, I was the one who found her and I won't feel comfortable letting her go to someone else, so I'll feel a lot better if it was me looking after her"

"You sure? This is a more extreme victim, she'll probably be very traumatized, she'll have to go through several counselling sessions, the hospital will pay for it personally, but it'll be a lot of a work"

"Which I'm willing to do, it's the right thing to do, seeing this girl lying there on the bed, I just, I can't help but love her already and I want to help her, I'm lonely, my kids have grown up already and moved out, my husband left me ages ago, I have the room, there's a school not so far from where I live, it seems only fair and well the right solution, and well the foster system is crap, she's obviously been through a lot, and well I believe it'll be good for her to finally have a place to call home"

"Well ok, if you come with me to sign the papers, she'll be in your hands for now onwards"

"Oh lovely it's settled then, when do you think?-..."

That was all I heard as I her voice drifted away. Who was this women? Why did she want to help me so much? I just couldn't understand what she saw in me. I'm not worthy enough for someone like her to look after me, she should have just left me on the side of the road to die. I don't deserve to live. Not by a long shot.

'' ''

I'd been lying here for a while, just staring at the ceiling, not moving, not seeing. Unfortunately I was breathing and I was blinking, but that was expected right?. And well the lady hadn't come back yet which was two days ago, so she must have changed her mind? Maybe I can find a way to escape with no one noticing, I don't think I made that big of an impact on anyone.

"Your awake?" Blinking, I turned my head slowly to look at the voice, the woman's voice. Staring, I couldn't help but think she was beautiful, it was obvious she was in her 50s, maybe even 40s, she had dark black hair, the most amazing blue eyes, a button nose, soft cheeks and small shaped lips, I hope she didn't think I was rude for staring, but she was gorgeous, almost as beautiful as my mother...

"It's ok, you don't have to say anything child, but my names Zoe, and I'm going to be taking you home with me today, I mean if that's okay with you of course"

I nodded, not really knowing what to say "um why?"

The lady flinched, obviously hurt by what I said? I didn't know, I didn't mean to hurt her feelings, I was just overly confused in the reason why she would want to help me. The lady pulled her self together and smiled softly "I found you honey, and well the foster system isn't really the greatest, I won't feel comfortable if I'm not the one looking after you"

I nodded already knowing that was the answer, it still didn't seem valid enough for me, but I smiled back, the first smile since my father... Ok um moving on. You see I've made myself a promise to never mention that name again, otherwise I'll stop breathing, simple as that. Not to mention that it hurts too.

"So um how did you find me?"

"I was out food shopping, on my way back home I saw you on the side of the road, I didn't know at the time what, or who you were, when I got a closer look I realised you were a girl, I pulled myself together and dodged the blood to check if you were breathing, you were and I called the ambulance"

"oh"

"What? What is it?" She asked it so kindly that it took my off guard, no one had ever talked to me like that.

"I'm just confused, I don't understand, why didn't you just leave me there? Or even better walk past? I-"

"Honey, I couldn't just let you die, your too young to die"

I looked down at my hands, they started shaking. I'm too young to die? That didn't really make me feel better at all, I hadn't thought of anything like that in a while. I wasn't too young to die at all, I'm just simply breathing that's all, it doesn't mean I'm living. So I responded by nodding again, not sure how to respond.

"Well these last couple of days I've been busy um making your bedroom, and getting clothes, I don't know what you like but you can always come with me to get more stuff oh and of course I don't even know if you want to come live with me, I mean it's not for forever, just until your old enough to live on your own"

I looked up slightly overwhelmed and still overly confused, but surprised. This sounded like the best decision, and she was right, it was certainly better then foster system, swallowing I nodded. And was surprised as Zoe smiled at my answer.

"I promise that you'll feel safe, and I won't get in your way"

I nodded again.

"Well now that those are over, I'm going to go sign more papers, and then we can leave this joint"

I nodded again. Watching her retreating back I realised the huge decision I had just made, not even thinking of anyone else but myself, and looked back up at the ceiling again.

Was this the beginning of something better? And more decisions worth making?

Well whatever was going to happen, I was going to do things right for Zoe.

And myself

**so what you think? Please I need more than at least 2 reviews though, its just that this story means soo much to me I need that acknowledgment, I'd really appreciate it.. **

**thank you.**

**liesy xox**


	3. Chapter 2: First Sight

**Soo i thought id update this, and see what sort of reaction i got neways... **

**Disclaimer: Well in a way I do own this story, even though...But I do not own the song Decode, that is own by the band Paramore..i suggest you listen to it, its sick as!**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 2: First Sight: **

"So this room here is where you will be sleeping"

Zoe opened the bedroom door, and my eyes widened at the scene, the room was huge, painted in a soft baby blue, over the far right side was a bathroom, beside that was a walk in closet, with clothes already in stock, that looked almost as big as my bedroom, on the left side was a huge desk, with a mac computer and mac notebook, with school utensils, books, a printer and a mobile? in the middle against the door was a double sized bed, across from that was a TV, with a sofa, and on the right side of that was two large sliding doors, opening up to a balcony.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe, I had never lived in a place that was so clean and let alone a bed. But this was too nice, what could I say? All I know was I had to try. For Zoe, she put a lot of effort in this, I wonder how much money all this was...

"It's..wow..Thank-you"

"It was nothing child, really I wanted you to be as comfortable as possible" She said this as she dropped my duffel bag on my bed, and turned to smile at me, I smiled back slightly still not used to the expression, but I was getting there.

"So Um, I'll let you be to get settled in, dinner's at 6:00pm, I'll be downstairs if you need me, if you want to go out just leave me a note, or tell me, and yeah that's all"

I nodded, smiling again "Thank you. Again"

Zoe smiled even more, which gave me a sense of warmth.

"Please, thank you, I've been lonely for such a long time, it's good to feel like I'm not the only one living in this huge house"

I looked down slightly, there was a small pause, both of us not really knowing what to say next.

"Well, I'll be downstairs if you need me" She said this as she closed the door on me, and suddenly I was alone to ponder my thoughts. I stood staring at my new bedroom, still not completely sure if this was real, if this was some sort of dream, or if this was heaven? I wasn't even sure if i was legible. Sighing I walked over to my duffel bag and unpacked some of the necessities that was obviously thrown out with me. I stopped when I came to a photograph and trembled slightly. Breathing I placed it on my bedside table, and returned to my packing duties...

2 hours later I looked at the clock "5:00"pm it read, I went and had a shower, taking my time in washing my hair and body for the first time in weeks, of course there were showers at the hospital, but it wasn't the same, hoping out I blew dried my hair, and got dressed in a pair of sweats and a tight black singlet with a black hoody on top, that came from my new wardrobe, satisfied at myself, I looked at my bedroom silently, seeing if there was anything else that needed to be done, finally coming to the conclusion that there wasn't any I made my way down silently to find Zoe in the kitchen, already beginning the preparations for dinner.

I stood there for a while, gaping at the kitchen, everthing was in steel, and some bench tops were marble, it was the most beautiful kitchen I had ever seen, it was obvious now that Zoe was loaded.

"Oh Gabi"

I stared at her openly, not sure where the new nickname came from.

"Dinner's not until 6 honey"

I looked down suddenly nervous "I know, I just thought you might want some help, that's all"

Looking up I was surprised to see the smile on her face "You want to help?"

"Yeah I mean, I was the one that did at home, actually I did everything..." I stopped and started again "What I mean to say is yes I want to help, might be a good time to get to know each other?" I said hopefully.

She nodded "That would be lovely"

I smiled hugely, now getting used to the feeling. "Great" I said simply I walked into the kitchen more freely "What are we making?"

"Lasagna and apple crumble for dinner"

My mouth watered, those were my favourite, it was almost like she had read my mind. I stared at her, stumped and shocked.

"What? What is it honey?"

"It's just that, I barely know you, but it's like you've known my all your life"

Zoe smiled "Well I was a mother, I still have those instincts in me, this dish was my children's favourite, and I had an inkling to make it for you, I mean I would have taken you out, but I thought you might like it better if stayed in"

I nodded, silently glad that we hadn't gone out. After a couple more simple comments we got to working, talking and laughing with each other, and as the minutes sped by, I found myself really enjoying myself and enjoying Zoe's company, just as Zoe had predicted we sat down at the table at exactly 6:00, and we ate dinner, holding a good conversation as we did.

I found out that Zoe got a lot of money since the divorce, but that she was also a stock broker, that she had 3 children 2 boys and 1 girl, all 3 in which were married and had children, I found out she married at a young age, unfortunately as much as I started knowing about her, when there were questions she had asked me there was little I could give up, still not fully wanting to bask in my past, the wounds hadn't closed, they would forever haunt my dreams, but that didn't mean since Zoe had found me on the side of the road and saved me, and brought me here to live with her that I didn't feel at home, or at peace.

For the first time in my life since I was 2 I finally felt... special?

We talked some more as we ate our desserts and watched T.V, that got no attention, she brought up the topic of school and I froze, she said I didn't have to start straight away, I replied that I would, as I hadn't been to school in 4 years because of the stress I had going on in my life at the time. Hours passed until we were both out of conversation and both tired, I looked to the clock and cringed at the time "12:00pm".

"Goodness" she had said "Is it really that late? Well I never" She stood and stretched and looked down at me once more "Well I'm off to bed, your welcome to stay up later, but not too late, you have school tomorrow" She had said smiling, I smiled back and watched her descend up the stairs. Once she had disappeared from sight I stretched my body on the couch, basking in the silence of the night, sitting up again, I went into the kitchen and quickly put the dishes into the dishwasher, which I'd never used before, locked the front door, turned off the lights and walked upstairs to my _extravagant_ bedroom.

Which I still hadn't gotten used to, nor the house to be exact. Walking in I closed the door on myself and stood in the darkness. I suddenly felt too weak to stand, making my way over to my bed, I collapsed on it, and for the first time since I was 2 I cried myself to sleep, as the emotions I held back for so long were too big to hold back any longer...

I awoke to the sun shinning outside my balcony, tired from my restless sleep I stood and showered, dressed, did some make-up and my hair, which felt foreign to me, packed my back with essentials that I needed, for my first time at school, and stood, I looked over at my clock "6:30" I still had 2 hours. Looking helplessly around my bedroom for something to do I sighed dejectedly when suddenly my tummy rumbled, picking my bag, mobile and keys? That I didn't know was for, I made my way down the stairs and into the kitchen, only to find Zoe there also.

She turned at the noise and smiled "Your up early"

"Um yeah, old habit"

She nodded "I'm making waffles for breakfast, that good?"

I nodded.

Finally we sat and ate silently.

"Sleep good?" I looked up from my plate, I didn't know how to answer, the look she was giving me made me think that I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was. "Better then I had in years"

She smiled, and I new I had answered properly, even if she new better.

"You excited for today?"

"Sure"

"Good"

There was a slight pause.

"So I have to go over somethings with you now, as you know I work, I have to be there in 2 minutes, so that means I won't be able to go to school with you"

"that's alright"

"Really?"

"I'm 16" I said smiling "I don't need you to chaperon me everywhere" I said smiling larger, she smiled too.

"Well anyway, I have to go" She stood, grabbed her suitcase and car keys "Your cars are in the garage"

She wasn't joking when she said "Cars" But at the time, it hadn't really sunk in so when I stepped for into the garage I gaped, I had 3 cars? 3!.. 3 freaking cars!.. _3 Freaking GORGEOUS CARS_!!

The first one was a black Jeep commander, the second was a nice Nissan maxima, and the third was a silver Audie Cabriolet which I almost screamed at. I stood there for a good 20 minutes wondering which one to choose, finally I decided the Nissan was the best one to choose, as it didn't look as forthcoming as the others did. That didn't mean I wouldn't drive them later. As I backed out of the driveway I realised I had forgotten to ask directions, as I pondered this I looked over at my seat and smiled to see a page of directions, Zoe really went all out for me didn't she? I felt absolutely over the moon that someone could be so nice, but another part of me felt bad, as I knew I would never be able to fully repay her.

Turning on the radio, I rolled down my window and let the wind consume me as it blew through my hair, yawning I realised how tired I was, and stopped off to get some coffee with some cash that was given to me, I didn't feel comfortable using the credit card I was given also, and then again made my way to school. Driving into the car pack I felt at ease, and not the least bit nervous, finding a park, I grabbed my bag, and mobile and stepped out of the car, suddenly the butterflies came and I realised I had jinxed myself.

Looking around I tried spotting reception, when I finally spotted it at the front, I made my way over and inside, I grabbed my schedule, a map of the school and my key locker, and walked out into the busy hallway. I panicked slightly when the bell rang just as I had found my locker but calmed down when I was able to find my form class without worry, and was surprised to see the teacher hadn't started yet, walking in I froze as all eyes found there way to me.

Suddenly I couldn't breathe, there was so much people here, why were they staring? I held my books closer to my chest, willing for air to fill my lungs.

"Are you alright sweetie ?"

I looked over at the teacher and nodded weakly.

"Are you Gabriella?"

I nodded again.

"Wonderful, class this is Gabriella, she's new here, why don't you tell us a bit about yourself"

I looked at her dumbly. Tell her a bit about myself? No thanks, I shook my head.

"Oh ok, well there is a spare seat at the back"

I stared at my feet, as I began to walk to the back of the class, I suddenly lost my balance and fell on my hands and knees, I almost cried as everyone else started lauphing, looking up I looked around me to see if there was anything that got in the way for me to have tripped, only to find a pair of sparkling blue eyes, the eyes penetrated me, and I looked down instantly not bringing myself to see who that person was, instead I quickly went to grab my books only to find one was missing.

"AP Subjects. How interesting"

I looked up again at the blue eyes. And sighed, I stood and grabbed the books off him. I didn't say a word, and didn't bother looking at him. As I made my way to the back, and hunched over my desk, shaking uncontrollably.

This was so much harder then I expected. I struggled to get my panic attack in check...

**So uh, what do you think? Tell me in your review :)..please!!**

**Liesy xoxo**


	4. Chapter 3: Curious

**Haha soo im really bored, and I started doing this chapter, and thought id update this one again :)..even if it isnt getting a whole lot of attention.**

**Disclaimer: The story line!... But I do not own Decode..that's owned by Paramore...**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 3: Curious:**

"You ok?"

I looked at the person in the mirror, scrutinizing her with my eyes, she had a short bob going on, which was dark brown, and she too was dark coloured she looked nice enough, but I didn't want to respond, as I was too inclined in my own emotions to be able to give a proper answer.

"Don't mind Troy, he's like that to everyone"

"Troy?"

"Troy Bolton"

"Oh" I said, and turned "What's the deal? With him I mean?" She seemed like the type of person that new everything, so I took my chances in finding out who this "Troy Bolton" was.

"He's an only child, has only one friend, but even then likes no one"

"Why?"

"No one knows except for Chad, but even he doesn't know the real deal, the school just agrees to say that he's got anger problems"

Anger problems? Please, I inwardly rolled my eyes.

"I'm sorry he tripped you"

I really did roll my eyes this time "All well life goes on" She was starting to piss me off, I breathed in a sigh of relief when the bell rung, I grabbed my bag and lifted it up to see that she had already gone, I smiled I had no intention of making friends either, just cause I didn't think it was a smart thing to do, cause when you make friends, they ask questions, and usually there questions that are personal, which in turn I don't want to answer and feel bad about afterwards. But really I just feel sick when I even think about the answers to those questions.

The only friend I ever had was by email, cause she lived so far away and she was the only person who knew what I went through, I hadn't talked to her since the incident, she'd probably be worried about me by now. Sighing I walked out of the bathroom and walked to class...

1 Week later:

It was the weekend and it had been exactly one week of me living here, so far things were not so bad, I had managed to catch up with all the work since the beginning of the year, which most teachers thought was amazing, in truth I was surprised too but I didn't have a lot to do so I just did my work and studied, and made dinner for when Zoe came home, she too was surprised at my work ethic. I was beginning to settle in a lot better, I was able to talk to people in the halls, I found a couple of acquaintances, Taylor who I later found out was the girl I talked to in the toilets, not someone I really wanted to sort of get to know but she wouldn't leave me alone, also her friend Sharpay who in my books was plain rude, and treated me like shit but I didn't care I had been through so much worse for her to terrorize my self esteem, then there was Kelsi she was a shy timid girl, but I liked her for that simple reason, and she was nice to talk to because she didn't "ask questions".

My first school week hadn't been that exciting, everyday at lunch I sat with Taylor, Sharpay and Kelsi's, not really paying any attention to what they said and watched Troy Bolton, who sat on his own and ocassionaly sat with this guy who had a fro, which I guessed was Chad.

And after this week of watching him, and Taylor talking about him I was told to stay clear from him as he was "Dangerous" I laughed, which wasn't a good reaction. But I couldn't really see the danger in him at all, he just sat there, no emotion on his face, his eyes were dark, and maybe a bit harsh, but for the life of me I couldn't even remotely find anything dangerous about him at all, which just tinged my frustrations. Why was I even curious about him anyway? There was nothing fascinating about him, he was boring to be exact.

I was apparently "lucky" enough to not have him in any of my classes except Chemistry, which I was silently happy about, and silently wished that soon we would be partners. And now that it was the weekend, I found myself missing his face. And then did I only realise how stupid I sounded.

I stood from my desk having just finished my four assignments that weren't due till the end of term, and stretched my back muscles. I looked around the room, once again I had nothing to do and it was only 12:30. Finally deciding that I would make a start on lunch, I walked down the corridor, and stopped, and turned as I heard a voice coming from Zoe's bedroom, curious, I walked quietly to the door, and listened quietly to her conversation.

"I just don't know what to do"

...

"I feel so helpless"

I felt sudden remorse, what was wrong with Zoe? I didn't want her feeling sad, I shook my thoughts away and listened more closely, getting in more closer to the door as I did so.

"She's just so depressed, and she tries to act like she's not, but I can see it in her eyes, and whenever I ask a questions about her family or anything to do with her past she closes up on me and struggles to breathe, I'm just so worried about her, it's been only a week since being here but I don't know if her staying here has helped her in any way, I mean she doesn't have any friends and she's already caught up to all the work she's missed out since the beginning of the year, she doesn't go out, she doesn't do anything bad like drugs, alcohol or sex, she's not some normal girl"

...

"The hospital had counselling set up for her, but she didn't want that, I wish I had fought her, cause I think she needed it badly"

...

"Well when I say that, I mean not only is she depressed but, she thinks she hides it from me, but she's been crying herself to sleep since coming here, and she has nightmares, and they sound like terrible ones, I pondered on going to see her last night cause it was that bad, I got so close to the door and almost opened the door but I just ended up walking away, I promised her I wouldn't get in her way, but I just feel bad for her, I have no idea what she's been through the doctors wouldn't give me any information"

...

"I know I'm sorry-"

That was all I heard as I walked back into my bedroom, I felt terrible, Zoe had been so nice to me, and I thought I had been improving, obviously I hadn't been, then suddenly I realised she was right, I had been crying every night since coming here and been having nightmares. It wasn't my fault though, it had been so long since I had basked in my emotions and been able to cry freely, as for the nightmares, I'd always had them, I'd never been able to sleep without them.

Sighing I stood, and walked down the stairs to make lunch...

"Wow this was amazing, what brought this on?"

I looked up at Zoe and was pleased that she had enjoyed lunch, it wasn't anything amazing, just a nice ceaser salad and battered fish, which I made myself.

"No reason" I said as I took a sip of my drink, unfortunately she looked at me expectantly, I placed my drink down and sighed, suddenly finding the table a lot more interesting.

"I didn't mean to, but I sort of over heard you talking on the phone, and I just wanted to make you feel better, I know that I might not be the best house mate, but I wanted to tell you that Im trying, I am, and I know that it may seem helpless but what your doing now has made me feel so at home, believe me, and I know that you want to be able to help with whatever transpired in my past, but right now I don't want to ever look back. And I'm sorry If I'm too loud at night, I don't mean too, I thought I was quiet"

I finally looked up and met her eyes, and what I saw there gave me such warmth that I didn't know how to hold in some of my emotions, at seeing her eyes watering mine too started to, instantly when my first tear dropped down my cheek I don't know how or when it happened but next thing I knew I was in her arms, at first I flinched at the feeling and started shaking uncontrollably, but she simply held me closer, and I buried my face into her chest, and latched onto her, wanting as much comfort as I could get.

Doing this alone was hard, it had always been me, but for once I wanted to drop my wall and let someone hold me.

"What has happened to you?"

I didn't answer, I just held her tighter "Just know that I'm here for you honey, always"

I just nodded...

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" I screamed and sat up, I shivered and shook, I sobbed silently, he just wouldn't leave me alone, wherever I turned he was there, he was embedded into my brain, it was so much to take it, so much pain that even when I was away from him, he still managed to haunt me in my sleep.

"Why must you taunt me like this!" I whipsered. I looked over at the clock "2:00am" Standing I reached over to my desk chair and grabbed my hoody, pulling it over my head I zipped it up, grabbed my car keys, my mobile and dashed downstairs. I stopped to quickly write a note for Zoe telling her where I was, and then I was off in my jeep, not turning back once, not even really sure where I was going, I had only heard of it, but I just needed to get away for a couple of hours.

Rolling my windows down I let the wind blow my hair, and cried some more.

I was forever traumatized, there was nothing that would ever make me forget what he did to me. I hadn't been the same since I was 2. Sighing in relief when I saw the beach I screeched to a stop and hopped out instantly, closing the door behind me and locking it, I pulled my hoody closer around me, slipped my thongs off and walked down until my feet touched the sand. I walked down closer to the water, but far enough that I wouldn't get wet and sat, basking in the breeze, the sound of the ocean and the darkness of the night, with the occasion sparkling sky.

For once I actually felt free, for once I couldn't see his face, all I could see was the endless waves, the waves that seemed to never stop, it just keep going and going. But all too soon, the sea escaped me and my thoughts were replaced by his face again. I Stood and screamed "LEAVE ME ALONE" I couldn't breathe "Why?!" I said to the sky "WHY!!" Still no answer, breathing out, I looked out into the waves, and back up to the sky, I made a decision.

I pulled off my hoody and hissed instantly as the cold air hit my warm skin, next came my singlet and my sweats, leaving me only in my bra and short undies. Taking in a breath, I began my descant to the water, until it came up to my waist. I cried out in anguish "You did this to me" I screamed "So I'm finishing it" With one last cry, I held my breath and sunk into the water, I held on as long as I could, my breath leaving my lungs as I grew tired, my years of wounds opening more fully, my eyes stayed open as I looked beneath the sea, not seeing much except seaweed and sand, my eyes started drooping, and the last of my breath escaped me, closing my eyes I waited for what was to come, and just as my lungs gave out on me, I could feel a storm of waves crashing in around me, and strong arms surround me.

My body dropped to the ground as I coughed helplessly for air to fill my lungs.

"Are you completely Insane?" The voice said, a guy voice to be exact "You could have died!"

Still coughing and panting I layed on my back and stared at the stars "That was the whole idea" I whispered. But he heard me.

"What?"

Carefully I stood and screamed at him "That was the whole idea! Why did you have to save me!" I screamed, and time stood still as I finally realised the person standing in front of me. It was none other than Troy Bolton. The guy I had been staring at all week, the guy who tripped me and humiliated me in front of the whole class, the guy who was in my chemistry class, the guy I simply couldn't stop thinking about.

There was a long uncomfortable pause, I looked everywhere except his face what was he doing here? Why did he have to save me? I was so close to my own salvation, a broken sob left my lips as I finally realised what I had almost done, falling to the ground I shook.

"What have I done?" I kept whispering "I almost killed myself" I repeated this over and over again, forgetting the presence of Troy, forgetting that it was cold out, forgetting that I was in my underwear, forgetting that I was crying in front of a person, forgetting I was asking things that he'd probably want answered. Forgetting the fact that he saved me from doing the worst mistake of my life. I screamed, I couldn't breathe, it was too much, too much pain, his face appeared and I punched the ground "Why didn't you kill me when you had the chance?" I shrieked "Is this your way of making me never forget?" I screamed.

Suddenly I felt warm, I screamed out as arms surrounded me, I kicked and punched, was he back? Was he going to do it again? I screamed in fear "No! Please No" Someone rolled me onto my back and held my hands above my head, I continued to scream, I struggled to find air. "Please don't hurt me" I whispered crying "Please"

"Gabriella!" I Stopped and looked up, only to see that Troy was above me "I'm not going to hurt you"

I looked into his penetrating eyes, they were so dark and cold, he let go of my hands, and I instantly covered my eyes with my hands as my body racked with sobs, I heaved and hiccuped. Not wanting to look up into those eyes, I shivered and felt Troy's arms surround me again, this time I did not fight him, I let him hold me, it wasn't exactly comforting, but it soothed me, soon my sobs turned into silent tears, and then I was simply too exhausted to cry anymore that I fell limply into his hard chest...

I awoke in my bedroom, my eyes burned, my body hurt and I coughed out in pain, slowly sitting up I looked around helplessly disoriented, did last night really happen? Or was that just a dream? No that wasn't a dream, that was a nightmare, a terrible nightmare, standing up instantly, I winced at the muscles that contracted at the movement, I went over and grabbed a sweater from my closet and quietly walked down the stairs only to stop as I heard a number of voices talking in the living room.

"Thank you so much again Troy, I am so sorry again"

"It's not a problem Zoe, I would do anything for you"

"Yes seriously Zoe it's fine"

I looked into the room and gaped, Troy was there, standing with his mother? Next to him was Chad, the Sheriff sat on the rocking chair, Mr Williams the school councillor sat on the couch, David our next door neighbor stood beside Zoe, soothing Zoe and I lost it, not caring how much noise I made I ran straight back up to my room.

What had I done? It was because of me they were all in there, with looks of fear? Shock? Pain? Exhaustion? Anger? It killed me to think that was my fault, Troy's was the worse by far, his eyes didn't show anything except simple coldness, there was such intensity in those eyes, his mother too looked exactly the same, just a bit more comforting.

Zoe had been so good to me, and I go and do this? She must really hated me now, instantly when I thought that I stood and grabbed my duffel bag from under my bed and started grabbing anything I could, only the things I needed most, satisfied with the utensils i packed, I made my way down the stairs again but stopped in the family room. Everyones eyes instantly found me, and I swallowed harshly.

"Look, I'm sorry for all that I put you through, you must all hate me" I stopped I thought I saw peoples heads shaking but I was on a role and it seemed to go amiss by my eyes "No one deserves what I put you all through" I looked at Zoe "You especially, you've been so good to me, saving me and and taking me in and all I did was make your life miserable" Tears pricked my eyes and I silently cursed myself "I'm just going to leave, and go back where I came from" I looked at Zoe and held in all the emotions, I turned to leave when she said "No"

I turned to face her and my eyes widened "But?"

"No" She said simply "I'm not letting you go back there, whatever it is that's made you this way has ruined you I can see that, but whatever it is I can help"

"No you see, no one can help, no one" I said simply tears finally falling "No one will ever understand, it's better this way" I didn't bother to wait this time, I just opened the door and walked down the pathway, wiping the tears along the way, was I really going to make the stupid decision of going back there? To him? To them? I was going to get myself killed, and hurt even more, but if it meant I didn't hurt anyone else but myself in the process I was willing to do anything.

"So your going to just run away"

I stopped at his voice and turned, to see his hard eyes staring me down, I didn't say anything, again time stood still, I didn't know how but he was suddenly standing in font of me. Realizing he needed an answer I said "No not run away, I'm leaving so I can't hurt anyone else, it's always been just me, basically all my life, I'm not willing to put people in pain for my past"

He shook his head "No you see your running, running away from your emotions, and if your doing it now, it's obvious that you did it in the past and your going to keep doing it"

I gaped at him "Listen Troy what you did for me last night I'm grateful, really I am, but you don't know me, we haven't even talked once except the first day, so you can piss off, you don't know anything"

"I know enough that Zoe loves you, can't you tell? Do you know she went crazy over you last night, she was balling her eyes out, I've known Zoe all my life, she doesn't take people leaving her lightly"

I looked at him and closed my eyes "Why you even talking to me?"

"Cause I'm trying to put some sense into you"

"Well good luck with that" I said that and turned, and I again started walking, I flinched, and shook at the feeling of Troy's hand on my arm, I closed my eyes, and breathed in raggedly, I heaved, I shook my head helplessly, it's just Troy, I said to myself, he won't hurt you. Saying that a few times and breathing in and out slowly I turned, and pulled his hand from my arm, I stared helplessly into his hard blue eyes. I didn't bother to say anything, I didn't bother to fight him, instead I stepped around him and walked back to my house. Opening the door, I found Zoe on the couch crying and I ran over to her and instantly pulled her into my arms. It was ironic how I was comforting her now.

What happened in the last couple of hours since the beach and now perplexed me. Last night I was hysterical that I couldn't think straight when I realised it was Troy trying to hold me, today I was able to realise instantly that it was Troy who touched me, and that he wasn't going to hurt me, but there was something else that frustrated me.

At the same time as flinching, my arm felt on fire, his arm burned me, and my stomach fluttered, and when I had gotten control of my breathing and looked into his eyes, even though his eyes spoke coldness, I saw a flash, that simple flash gave me the feeling that he too had felt it.

Felt the warmth, the spark that emitted in his one single touch. And as my eyes lifted up and stared into his eyes again,I knew I was even more curious now to find out just who exactly Troy Bolton was under the cold and dark facade...

**wow, long, now you may think that was a bit strange and maybe totally out of character, but you see I needed that transition to happen. Simply because of what I have in store for these 2 characters :)..all will be revealed soon.. don't know when exactly. But soon. **

**Please review :)**

**Liesy**


	5. Chapter 4: 2 Months

**So um this story is probably my first priority atm, cause I just need to get out all of these emotions, and put them on paper..well put it on the computer screen, i think u knew what I meant..that doesnt mean I forgotten "Everything You Want" and "She's the Man" ill just probably update this more whenever I get the urge to right down this mystery... enough talk, R&R..please :)**

**Disclaimer: I own the story line :)..thats it unfortunately.**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 4: 2 Months:**

What do you do when you happen to find yourself in a position of craziness, stupidness, annoyance, embarrassment, and total loss of control?

You close in on yourself, that's what you do. You do it when you realise just how much weakness your showing to the open eye. But of course I didn't do that, no instead I ignored my brain and listened to my heart. Which resulted in dreams. And vulnerability. And well loneliness.

Which was ridiculous.

It wasn't like I was thinking about him, far from it to be honest, and no I did not watch him as he ate, nor did I smile when I saw him in Biology class, which by the way he sits next to me now, and for the climax of my stupid thoughts. I. DO. NOT. LIKE. TROY BOLTON!!.

There see, it's such a shock to see isn't it. And I'm going mental. And I should just face it, that I really do, might, maybe like him.

And how could that be, since I hadn't talked to him in 2 months since he saved me and made me stay. Which was the point of this whole situation. He hadn't talked to me since then, not once, nor did he look me in the eye, and so because he didn't, I didn't either.

Lame. I'M LAME!!

And because of that reason, because of that small situation, I can't stop thinking about him, he just won't leave my thoughts, he's there all the bloody time. Even in my dreams for fucks sake, which in turn means I haven't had one nightmare. IN TWO MONTHS!..which does make me smile as I seem to sleep so much better, but that doesn't fix the other problem.

I mean I just didn't understand, am I really that ugly? I mean sure I didn't have blood hair, and didn't wear a whole lot of make-up, but I refuse to think that that was the reason. I mean it just can't be that. But as I sit here in Biology and stare at him in the corner of my eye, I started to think otherwise. Why you ask? Well because he can't seem to get far enough away from me, he's so far away in fact that it's giving me the impression that I stink.

And thats just ridiculous as I showered this morning. Looking up at the board, pretending to pay attention I mildly scribbled on my paper and sighed, I just didn't get it. I mean he saved me from killing myself, I mean if I had been in the right state of mind I would have been so embarrassed, but not once did he show apprehension, in fact he looked worried and scared. Which was a different expression, considering his eyes were always so harsh and cold.

I still thought they were beautiful.

ARGHH!! See what I mean? I'm crazy, although I knew that already, considering my past, but I've completely lost it now, and all because of some stupid boy that saved me. A stupid boy that's good looking, and warm. WHERE. ON. EARTH. DID. THAT. COME. FROM!!

Startled I jumped as the bell rang and looked down blindly at my work and sighed, and got up to quietly pack my things away. Bending down I picked it up and swung it over my shoulder and started to make my way over to the door.

"Gabriella wait"

I stopped. At first I was confused, and then I was just plain angry. So I ignored the person, and continued onto my locker, but I didn't get very far, as my arm was pulled and I collided into his chest, instantly I stiffened, my heart beat picked up speed, and I helplessly tried gaining control on my breathing, but for some odd berserk reason I couldn't. It was like my lungs were closing in on me, as I looked everywhere but his questioning eyes and out into the swarm of the other questioning eyes, which in turn made it worse. I doubled over, and droped my bag in the process and held my stomach, tears started overflowing, my whole lower half was numb so when I looked to see that his arms were around me I yelped in surprise and instantly started kicking and punching him behind me, by this time people started crowding us and I lost total control.

"LET GO OF ME!" I breathed out "PLEASE"

And he did, and I ended on the ground. I couldn't get a hold of myself, why had that simple touch evoked such a reaction, I couldn't think straight. I didn't know what was happening, cause the next thing I knew I was in his arms again, and he was carrying me outside of the school. My head fell to his shoulder, as I tried desperately to force air into my lungs.

"Gabriella" He said in a controlling voice "breathe" I looked at him blindly, his voice stronger to my ears made me go over the edge.

"Breathe Gabriella" he said shaking me "Calm down, it's ok"

Suddenly I started breathing more slowly "That's it, just like that, in and out"

Until finally my heaving breaths came out as puffs. Exhausted I closed my eyes. But all too suddenly I realised what position I was in. I was on Troy's lap, facing him, as his arms were wrapped protectively around my waist, I jumped up suddenly, and looked at him expectantly.

"What the hell was that?"

So he was the one to ask questions ey? I don't think so.

"Oh don't you pin this on me, what about you" I said pointing at him angrily "You haven't talked to me in 2 months and just all to suddenly you decide to summon me with your presence"

He stood, his eyes harsh.

"That is not true"

"It's not? I believe it is, otherwise I would have heard you talking to me"

He rolled his eyes. I too inwardly rolled mine.

"What do you want Troy?"

There was a strange pause, and I looked into his eyes, trying to decipher what he was thinking by looking into those eyes, I got none.

"Nothing"

I gaped at him "Nothing!. NOTHING?!"

"Yes nothing, I was simply going to ask how you were, but instead you lost it, which might I add you still haven't answered"

I looked at him, not giving into his hard eyes, I was not going to give in.

"Nothing, you startled me, that's all"

"Startled you? No it was more like you thought I was attacking you, much like the time on the beach, actually every time I've touched you you have trouble breathing"

"It's nothing" I said side stepping him, but he stepped with me, blocking my path.

"Listen Troy, if there was nothing you needed from me, I'm just going to go now"

"No I have questions that need answering"

"Why now? Why couldn't you have talked to me 2 months ago?"

"I was told to keep my space for a while"

"Whatever" I scoffed "I'm not answering any of your questions".

"Oh believe me, your not leaving until you have"

I groaned, walking over to the bench again and sat angrily"Fine". For a split moment I thought I'd saw a smile, but I was too frustrated to take notice.

"Why did you try to kill yourself?"

I froze, my body slumped and I yet again forgot to breathe, no one, not eve Zoe had asked me that, actually she didn't ask any questions, and really I had no intention of telling her, as I just wasn't ready. I didn't think I would ever be.

"I was just blinded by hurt and did the first thing that popped into my mind, and that was just to simply go for a swim, but when I stood in it, and looked to the stars and looked back on everything that I'd been through I wasn't sure if I could ever go back to being happy again, so I dived under, but to be honest I had no idea why. Like I said, must of been the heat of the moment" I looked up slowly, to see his eyes were incredibly dark. I slid away from him.

"That is the most stupidest thing I've ever heard"

If you knew what exactly goes through my head every night, you wouldn't think so... I said sadly to myself. Staring around me I breathed out, my eyes started stinging and I realised that I was about to cry. And I was not about to show a weakness in front of him, he had once, I wasn't going to let him again. Standing, I didn't look at him and stated through clenched teeth "You just wouldn't understand"

And I walked away, not turning around once to see if he was looking at me, but instead wiped furiously at my face.

If only he knew...

"" ""

I got home, and instantly did my homework, stopping only once to get something to eat, when I finally stopped again for the second time to watch some T.V when the phone rang.

"Hello Gabriella speaking?"

"hey Gabs, it's just me honey, listen we're having some guests over for dinner tonight, so try to make dinner extra special"

"Oh sure thing Zoe, but who's coming?"

"Oh you'll see, I gotta go but love, so see you when I get in"

"Ok, but-"

I sighed at the dial number, and put the phone back in its place, as I made my way into the kitchen and started preparing the meal. For the surprised guests.

"" ""

I had been preparing all afternoon, and cleaning the house whenever I had the time, at exactly 5:30 Zoe walked through the door and went upstairs to freshen up, for the guests arrival, and I followed suit, pulling on a nice pair of dark skinny jeans and a nice navy blue scoop neck top, with a pair of silver pumps, and finished it off with my natural curls and a bit of mascara and lip gloss, satisfied at my reflection I walked down the stairs upon hearing the door bell being rung and opened the door. Only to be put into a state of shock at the guests that stood in front of me. Troy stood in front of his mother which I remembered from the last time I saw her and the man on the other side which I guessed was his father. It seemed to be so as Troy looked just like him.

Realising that I was staring my eyes finally reached Troy's as he, waited for my next move "Um, come in" I said quietly and moved aside to let them in. Breathing a sigh of relief as Zoe came down and ushered them into the lounge room.

Standing in the foyer, still shocked I pulled myself together, and walked into the living room. Running my hands through my hair as I did. Upon being a little behind I found myself being pushed back out by hearing Zoe say "Gabi, why don't you take Troy up to your bedroom, we'll call you down later when tea is ready"

"But-" But I didn't get time to say anything as Troy grabbed my wrist and pulled me up the stairs, saying sarcasticaly "yeah Gabi, that's go"

I glared. Pulling my wrist out of his hand, I walked up faster, taking the lead, not bothering to look back if he was following and sat on my couch and turned my T.V on, doing everything in my power to ignore his penetrating eyes, that were staring me down. Finally losing it I frustratingly said "What? Do I have something on my face?" I said glaring at him.

He smirked, which I hated to admit I liked. A lot.

"No"

"Then why are you staring at me?"

"Cause your fun to annoy"

I sighed and turned my attention back to the T.V.

"Well I hate to say that this is boring"

I cringed when he jumped on my bed and lay down on top of it.

"Do you have to situate yourself on my bed? I made it this morning"

"Yes I do, it's comfy"

I didn't respond, as I turned back to the T.V. Except he didn't last 5 minutes as he broke the silence by saying.

"Who is this?"

Turning I stared at the frame he was holding up, showing me a clean view of what he was asking, instantly I jumped up and snatched it out of his hand, opened my bedside drawer and shoved it in there, I had forgotten that it was there and stated "Nobody"

"Didn't look like nobody to me, to be honest he looks like someone important"

"Well your wrong so just drop it" I said sitting back on the couch. I groaned when he sat beside me and said "No, who was he?"

I don't know what compelled me, but as I looked into his eyes, I couldn't find myself saying no, and before my brain could catch up to what I was about to do I replied passively "My father"

There was a pause. And I turned from his gaze, not being able to keep myself together.

"Your father, where is he now?"

"He's dead" I replied numbly, staring ahead of myself.

"Dead?"

"Yes dead Troy, what don't you understand by the word dead?"

"I'm just surprised that's all, how did he die?"

Surprisingly even when he replied with no apology of bringing my father up, I still found what he said comforting, and for some unknown reason I told him.

"He died in a car crash when I was 2" Looking up into his eyes I blinked back tears.

He didn't say anything, he just stared back, no softness penetrated his eyes, but of course the coldness came through. Sighing I looked away, not wanting to hear anymore questions "I can't believe I just told you that, not even Zoe knows"

"Why?"

"Saying his name puts me in a position to remember some events that happened ever since he left me" I paused "You know I still remember the day so perfectly, It was a Thursday afternoon, and he was supposed to come home early so he could spend sometime with me as my mum couldn't make it home, she never could, but that was beside the point, and when he didn't come home I got so angry at him, to the point of hating him. I mean he was supposed to be my best friend, and come home to play with me, so when my mother walked in the door without a single look and said my father wasn't returning home as he died in a crash, I was devastated, I knew I had lost everything, he was the one person that made me smile, and when he died I couldn't bring myself to smile anymore" Pausing as I sniffed softly and looked down to fiddled with my hands "That's the only picture I have of him, I'm lucky to have that one, as my mother threw everything out that my dad owned, which made me realise that she never once loved my father, let alone me"

Looking into his eyes again I smiled sadly "Even if that picture is the only thing I have left of him, I still cant grasp on the good memories, as I was two at the time, and my mind was overtaken by other memories that blind them"

"And what might those be?"

I looked at him, only to lose sight of him as his face appeared. I blinked once and he disappeared, to be replaced by Troy's hard eyes. Suddenly I realised just how much I revealed to him and I looked at him and shook my head "It doesn't matter, I never want to be put through the memories ever again"

"It does matter"

I stared through his eyes "It doesn't, never has" I whispered and stood up, as I walked over to stand on my balcony, as I was in desperate need of air.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" I said acting dumb.

"Don't act dumb Gabriella, your smarter than that, you know what I mean, closing off like that"

"I gave you enough information Troy, I didn't feel the need to bore you anymore"

He tensed and stepped forward, I retreated back.

"Listen, I don't know what it is that could be so bad, but I'm here when your ready to talk"

"Thanks for the offer, but I won't be needing to"

He closed his eyes in frustration.

"Fine.whatever" he stated coldy .

And then he disappeared into the darkness of the night.

**This isn't actually going to be along story.. but long enough for you not to find out the info at the last minute..tell me what you thought :)..please**


	6. Chapter5:Secrets kept Feelings Recovered

**SOoOOoo hehe, new chapter :)..Thanks to the nice kind people who do stop to read this and review it, it means a lot to me, so this chapter is Dedicated to those lovely people. **

**Disclaimer: I own the story line :)..that's it unfortunately.**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 5: Secrets kept Feelings Recovered:**

Sometimes I find it hard to pin point the exact moment when I knew I felt these non platonic emotions for Troy Bolton, and as cold as he was I found myself believing he returned those feelings, why else would he continue to be there every second. And as frustrated I was at him, I couldn't bring myself to hate him, as I knew since the first day of staring into those eyes, something unusual happened.

And in a way he was right, I do close off on people, but it was only for there own good, I didn't want people to feel sorry for me, I carried the guilt with me everyday, the scars proved it. The big one on my stomach is the worst to look at in mornings. Sometimes I think it's laughing at me, making me feel guilty for the limitations of my past life. Each day was a struggle to let go of what happened, and the guilt I felt.

But at the end of the day the only thing left I had to do was apologise for myself, Troy was only trying to help, in his strange weird way, and as strange as it was, it was the most comfort I endured in a very long time. But the problem was even though he was there every turn I made, he was avoiding talking to me, and I let him, made it easier for him, as I didn't know how to apologise.

It was something I'd never really taken lightly.

Sighing, I made my way to my locker, the last person in the halls of East High on a Friday afternoon, I stayed behind to study in the library and was now on my way to my locker to collect the books I needed over the weekend. Even though I was so ahead of all my work, I continued to work over and over it again. Gave me something to do.

Finally reaching my locker, I grabbed the books needed, and my purse, closed the door and locked it, and as I turned I froze, sure if it was Troy I would have frozen too, but no it wasn't Troy, it was Jack, Mike and Tony, 3 boys that found it known to annoy me whenever they got the chance, unfortunately when Troy had been keeping a close eye on them the last couple of weeks, they hadn't been able to touch or do anything to me.

Obviously that didn't last.

I swallowed, and protectively wrapped my arms around my middle, something I did naturally, a stance of defense.

"Don't be afraid"

I frowned "Don't be afraid? I'm sorry but when you stay behind and watch my every move, I have the right to be afraid" And I retreated back until my back hit my locker realising what I said was not the thing to say in a time like this, why did I always have to open my mouth in these situations?.

"Now now Gabriella, don't be feisty"

I shook violently when his body pressed me firmly against my body, his arms en-caging me. My lungs enclosed on myself and I suddenly found myself not being able to breathe.

"Don't hurt me" I whispered, his hand rested on my thigh, sliding up disgustingly up my skirt, instinctively I kneed him and tried desperately to make a run for it, but I forgot that Mike and Tony were there, as they came on either side of me and held me in place, I struggled to get free, as I kicked and punched, trying everything so I could get out of this situation.

"Please" I said desperately "Please don't hurt me" I sobbed.

His hand touched my face and I trembled as his hand roamed over my body.

"Oh God" I whispered "Oh God" I closed my eyes, as my breathing grew heavy. I didn't know what happened, cause one minute I was being held and the next I felt myself falling to the ground, I opened my eyes slightly and saw some struggling between the 4 boys, they were saying things that I didn't quite get, as I was too caught up in my own breathing.

"Gabriella" My eyes opened again, and I looked into the blue pools of Troy Bolton "Troy" I whispered "He touched me" I sobbed and I desperately pulled myself up and wrapped my arms around him. And Sobbed in his chest.

"Shh" He said in my ear "It's ok, I'm here now"

I held him tighter.

"" ""

I sat up, drenched in sweat, shaking uncontrollably, looking around I realised that I was in my bedroom, and that it was dark, looking at the time, I realised it was only 9:30 at night. I heaved, and choked out a sob. I relaxed slightly when I felt his arms surround me.

"It's ok" he whispered "It was just a dream"

"It felt so real" I whispered "It never goes away"

There was a pause, it wasn't awkward, it was just simply quiet, the two of us acknowledging what happened, and not too sure where to begin.

I decided I'd break the silence "Where's Zoe?"

"When I got here, there was a note saying she was going away for a week"

"Oh" I said, a little disappointed that she was gone.

"The note said she'd be back Friday"

I just nodded my head.

"Are you ok? I mean, I should have been there quicker or-"

I interrupted him "No please, don't feel guilty, this isn't your fault, and I think I'll be ok, nothing I haven't been through before" I realised what I'd just said, Troy just simply looked at me, but he didn't pull me up on it. Which surprised me.

I looked down at my stomach, even though I was wearing a tank, I could still see the scar there, I had many scars, too many to count, scars that make the memories even harder to forget. But this one scar haunted me ever since I found myself in the hospital.

I started rubbing circles on my covered stomach, and once again found emptiness there. It wasn't always empty.

"Listen Troy" I said, my hand still layed upon my stomach as I looked up and locked my eyes on his "I, thank-you for doing what you did back there, I, to think that if you hadn't of come I would have been" I stopped to pause "raped" I breathed out "So thank- you, really I" I couldn't seem to form any coherent words, it was stupid, but the shock of what could have happened got the better of me. I looked down at my hand again to see Troy's on top of mine.

"I would save you 100 times, I can't help but have this protectiveness of you"

I wiped my eyes, as I listened.

"It's definitely not my character, it's not something I do, but ever since I tripped you on your first day, I haven't been able to stop following you, I haven't left your side"

And to think that I thought I was the only one to be watching him. He was doing more then watching, he was there, always there.

"I found myself following you home, every day after school, at night I watched you sleep"

I looked up then "You've watched me sleep?"

He looked down, and I realised then he was embarrassed.

"Yeah, I don't know what it is, but I just didn't sleep right, I had this feeling that you weren't safe, so I would climb up to your balcony and see if you were alright"

I covered my mouth with my spare hand. Not angry just slightly apprehensive.

"When I finally would make it inside, I'd find you asleep, your were fine, you did say somethings though, but other then that you were fine. Safe."

"What did I say?"

"The first couple of nights, it was "him" I never got a name, or got what significance this person had but then I stopped worrying when you said my name"

I gaped at him "Oh my God" I said touching my forehead, I couldn't help the blush that came and covered my cheeks, why did I had to dream about him?.

"It's ok"

I looked up to meet his eyes again.

"I dream about you too"

I sucked in a breath, and smiled. I didn't drop my eyes from his once, the coldness was still there, his face was still hard, but when I looked deeper I could see a kindness there, a protectiveness there, that I hadn't ever seen before.

"You do?"

He nodded. My hand that was covered by his hand on my stomach, turned so our palms could touch, his eyes grew darker, and I shivered slightly, finally after a second of staring in his eyes, I laced my fingers. His eyes dropped and I could see the flickers of stars that sparkled in his eyes. My thumb rubbed his hand slowly, letting him know that I was here. Safe.

"Do you, want to do something with me this weekend?"

I smiled and nodded. "I would love too". There was a slight pause, just the sound of our breathing, both comfortable and safe.

"There's a question I've got to ask"

His eyes penetrated mine, I waited patiently for him to respond.

"Go ahead"

"Why didn't you just talk to me? I mean, I thought you didn't like me or something, I had been watching you for ages, surely you would have noticed"

"Because it wasn't safe, I'm not safe to be around, but the further I tried to distance myself the more I wanted to get closer, and now I've just finally given up"

I confused at his answer replied "Your not safe?"

"Yes"

"Funny, because I feel safer when I know your around"

"Well you shouldn't"

"Why?"

"Because"

I sighed "Your not going to tell me are you"

He shook his head no "We all have secrets, just like you do"

"I keep my secrets to myself for a reason Troy"

"So do I"

I rolled my eyes.

"It's getting late, you should get some sleep" He made a move to get up, but I held his hand tighter, he turned to me, his eyes dark and questioning.

"Don't go, stay" I whispered "please"

He stared me down, and I almost looked down, when he sat back down beside me, I relaxed. His hand traced my face, and I closed my eyes.

"I'll stay"

I kept my eyes closed and layed down, only opening them when he lifted the covers, moving over slightly I let him get comfortable, and I placed my hand on his chest. I smiled when he wrapped his arm around my waist, bringing me closer, I placed my head on his chest also, and closed my eyes.

"I have feelings for you too" I whispered, and I didn't talk much after that as I had already fallen asleep.

**What do you think? please tell me in your review, it'll make my day.. seriously! Also I suppose to make it fun for you to review, I suppose you can start to guess some scenarios of Gabriella's past and guess why Troy is the way he is, i wont tell you if your right, but I'' try to come up with something to the person that get's it right.**

**love to all.**

**Liesy**


	7. Chapter 6: The perfect Date

**SOoOOoo hehe, new chapter :)..Thanks to the nice kind people who do stop to read this and review it, it means a lot to me, so this chapter is Dedicated to those lovely people. **

**Disclaimer: I own the story line :)..that's it unfortunately.**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 6: The Perfect Date :**

At exactly 6:00 am on Saturday morning, I got up and started getting ready. Starting off with a shower, I took extra time in blow drying my hair, adding an extra curl to it, then I started on my make-up, adding eye-liner to the mix, instead of just mascara and lip-gloss, I then walked into my closet and stood there looking at what to wear, I didn't know where Troy was taking me, we didn't even discuss what time he was getting me, but I just assumed it would have been early.

Deciding on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, and a nice turquoise shirt that I tucked into the jeans, adding a skinny black belt and silver sandals. Looking at myself in the mirror I smiled happy with the way I looked. I was casual, but I still had the look of formal wear to it. Grabbing a black big handbag, I put my Iphone and purse full of money in there, my sunglasses, a pen, and everything else girls have in handbags.

Finally deciding that she needed some food, she walked downstairs and some cereal, with her bag in hand, and sat in front of the T.V. While she ate, she thought about Troy, and how he stayed with her, and then left at 2:30 in the morning, he thought she didn't see him, but she did, and to think she wasn't a bit dissapointed was an understatment, when he left the comfort of her side, she felt empty, and cold. Shaking her thoughts away, she smiled she'd see him soon, and he must of needed to go home for something important.

Standing she went over to the sink and washed her bowl and spoon, wiped the bowl and spoon off and put them back in the cupboard. Finally she was finished, but now she had nothing to do, and had absolute bo idea when Troy was going to be here, deciding that she would go back upstairs, she paused half way when she heard a car door, turning she looked out the window and smiled at seeing Troy hoping out of his car. Turning around fully she walked up to the door, and stopped, hearing the knock she quickly did a side glance into the mirror, and opened the door.

The breath that escaped her would have been heard by Troy, but she couldn't help it he looked so good, but then again he always did. It was good to know that her judgement in clothes was the right judgement as Troy was wearing the casual but formal as well. His eyes dark penetrated her own, she watched his eyes drop, examining her clothing, his eyes locked with mine again and smiled, I smiled back.

"Your wearing blue"

I looked down at myself suddenly apprenensive, he didn't like it "Oh you don't like?"

"No, I like, I like that colour on you"

The smiled that escaped me didn't cover my blush, I didn't have the heart to tell him that I loved the colour blue simply because of his eyes.

"You ready to go?"

I nodded. He extended his hand out and I took it gracefully, locking the door without me, I walked casually beside him, as he brought me over to the passengers seat, opening the door for me to slide in. Once he situated himself in the drivers seat, I asked "So where are we going?"

"It's a surprise"

"Oh?"

He looked over at me and gave me a small smile. I decided I wouldn't ask anymore questions. The drive was long, we managed to occupy ourselves by making small talk, playing eye spy, listening to music, which we only just discovered we liked the same bands and artists. And right now, we were playing 20 questions. And I was starting.

"Favourite colour?"

"Black, but blue is starting to become quite close"

I nodded "Black?"

"What?"

"I don't know, but black is just so boring"

"You can do anything with black"

He got me there.

"It's your turn"

"Oh right" He spared me a glance, before turning back to the road.

"Favorite movie?"

"Hmm that's a hard one, but at the moment it's High School Musical 2, soon it will be 3"

There was a pause. I looked over at him, to find him staring at me weirdly.

"What?"

"Nothing, just High School Musical? I mean come on really?"

"What I like musicals, and I mean I don't know, I would love to break out into song and dance"

"Oh"

I smiled at him.

"My turn" I said thinking carefully " Favorite band?"

"Nickelback"

"Oh me too, they have that stance of never changing, I love that about them"

He just smiled.

"Had any boyfriends?"

I looked at him then "No none, wasn't ever allowed, and the guys back where I lived were jerks"

"How so?"

"That's just say they were very much like Jack, Mike and Tony"

His hands turned white, and his eyes turned dark "They didn't?"

"No, they didn't do that, but they bullied me, physicaly and verbaly"

"Basically the same thing"

"In a way it is" I said quietly "Anyway moving on. What about you, many girlfriends?"

"No none, girls here are annoying and fake, none of them are real. And I just found no interest in them, your my only girlfriend"

I shivered in delight, we hadn't exactly talked about that, but to hear him say that, made me feel over the moon.

"I'm your girlfriend?"

"yeah"

"What if I said no?"

"You won't"

I just laughed. Pausing when I noticed he pulled over somewhere. Looking around curiously, I saw nothing that gave away the destination of where we were except, trees and the sky. And because I was so curiously thinking of where we were, I didn't notice Troy hope out of the car, nor did I hear him open my door, only when he said my name did I notice.

Looking up at him sheeply I got out and looked around, I was able to see things more clearly now, it looked like some reserve, there was a beach, close by, and many cliffs that surrounded the blue water, the swish of the wind blew my hair, and I closed my eyes enjoying the smell. Opening them again, I shocked to see Troy standing right in front of me, his eyes were searching mine, his hand came up to rest on my face, my eyes closed again at the warmth, my hands came up to rest on his chest, as his foreheand came to rest on mine.

"You have no idea how you make me feel" He whispered, my hands grabbed bits of his shirt, bringing him closer "I feel helpless when your around, and then I feel over the moon" I smiled, my eyes still closed "Believe me, I think I know" I took a breath in and got a whiff of him, as his smell surrounded me. His arms surrounded my waist, pressing me flush against his body, and I rested my face in his chest, my hands still resting on his chest.

Unfortunatley the moment was interrupted by the sound of my stomach, which he chuckeled at "Sounds like someones hungry" I smiled up at him. "Come on" He kept his arm around my shoulders as he steered me over to a tree, that looked out into the view, of the beach, cliffs, rocks, mountains. It was perfect, I looked around some more when my eyes spotted the blanket that lay under the tree, with food spread out everywhere.

"When did you get all of this started?"

"You were quite occupied by your thoughts in the car so I used that to quickly set it up"

I smiled up at him, sitting down across from him, I looked hungrily at the food, there were turkish bread sandwhiches, with ham, cheese, tomato, then I looked over at the ceaser salad that just so happened to be my favourite thing in the whole wide world, then there was a bit of a lamguinie cabanara, the dishes were interesting combonations but they all happened to be my favorite.

"How did you know?"

"What?"

"That everything you've made here were my favorite dishes"

He smiled slightly "Maybe I just have a sense for knowing these things"

I just smiled, and dug into the food, the both of us quietly eating, as we would look up every so often and smile, after I finished my food, completely satisfied, I found myself lying on Troy's knees, as he played with my hair, I smiled at him slightly.

"This is really nice Troy"

He nodded.

"How did you find this place?"

"It was a day where I was angry and all over the place, I just drove, and I stopped here, and I loved it here, I come here to think, it calms me"

I sat up, and turned to face him.

"You need calming?"

"You haven't seen my anger Gabriella, and when you even see a snippet of it, I want you to run, I might do something I'd regret"

I looked at him "You don't scare me Troy"

He looked at me harshly "I should"

I shook my head "Trust me, the only thing I've ever been afraid of is my step father" Realising what I'd jsut said, I closed my mouth but looked at him "I can't say much, but all I can say is, what I've been through is worse than what your temper could do to me"

He hissed "believe me, you don't want to test me"

I stood then "Why not?"

He stood and towered over me, I didn't flinch "Stop it"

I pressed my body to his "No"

His eyes closed, and his hands slid on my waist bringing me closer, as he breathed.

"I can calm you" I whispered.

His eyes opened, and I reached up to slide my finger on the side of his face. It was so rough but it had a smoothness to it, my fingers tingled.

"You can't hurt me Troy" I looked into his eyes firmly "Don't you understand, do you think I'd be here right now if I thought you could hurt me?"

He didn't answer.

My finger slid down to his lips "When your around I feel safe" Tears started pooling my eyes, I tried fighting them "Please just get that, when you left this morning, I felt so empty, I don't know what it is, but I can't seem to breathe when your not there"

I grabbed his hand bringing it up to place on my heart "See this?" I said looking into his eyes "My heart beats for you" Grabbing his other hand I placed it on his own heart, with my under it "Can you feel how close our hearts a beating together? Tell me you can't feel that" I stated. The tears now finally falling.

"Tell me, tell me that your not safe, but I won't go, I can't" I sobbed "It's too late, I'm already too far gone, I'm connected to you, I don't know why or how, but somehow, you make me breathe"

His eyes penetrated mine. He didn't say anything.I closed my eyes. Maybe he didn't want me. Maybe he wanted me to leave. Moving slightly I opened my eyes, and wiped my eyes.

"If that's what you want"

I stated, and I turned to walk but he grabbed my wrist, spun me around and kissed me. I mean it wasn't just a peck, it was the real deal. His arms pulled me closer, and I struggeled to get closer, I sighed, in his mouth, my arms situating themselves on his shoulders, with his around my waist. After a while of batteling we broke apart, I wanted to scream in protest but that's when he said.

"I'm safe, I don't think I could ever hurt you"

I closed my eyes in relief and whispered "Don't ever do that to me again"

He touched my face, wiping the exess tears.

"I wont, promise"

I smiled.

"But I want you to promise me one thing"

"Anything"

" I'll come to you, I'll always come to you, but don't come to me, don't ever come to my house"

I looked at him questionaly but I nodded "I promise"

And then he kissed me again.

**hehe good? bad? terrible? amazing? tell me your thoughts..**


	8. Chapter 7: Unworthy or Worthy?

**here's this chapter, I hope you like, you may or may not would have expected this, and this story is nearly finished...**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 7: Unworthy or Worthy?**

After that first date, our relationship just grew with every breath I took. Sure it was difficult at first, with the whole school wanting to get in the way, but as time moved on, the school got tired with this 'new romance' and let us be after a couple of months. Troy was still his usual self, which was the cold dangerous guy. And I was still me, which was still not being able to open up fully, which was most probably hurting Troy even more. But it wasn't my fault, my past was just difficult. To this day I stop and think, how have I ever survived this? And then I realise that there was no how in it at all, it all just came down to Troy.

And because of that I found myself thinking about him even more then I did before he was my boyfriend. But it was almost like he was my mechanism to breathe, to stay alert, and to stay true to myself. When I told him that a couple of months ago, he just brushed me off, which I didn't mind so much as I did get a smile. There was just one thing that kept making me go around in circles. Why was it, that he always came over to my house, and I never went to his? And I know he made me promise never to go there, but I was just so curious to know just what was going on.

Which was stupid of me of course, I should have just went on with my business and ignored my curiosity. But no, I just had to. You would think after everything I went through that I would have stopped the minute I stepped through my front door, and found myself already at the front of his house, feeling like I was going to puke at any second. There was this feeling I got in the pit of my stomach that screamed at me 'something wasn't right'. And when I looked in the window and saw that something, I froze. I didn't know what to do, I knew I probably should have run, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. So instead when I saw Mr Bolton walking away from the view of the window I hid and waited for him to drive away from the driveway.

But that wasn't the most stupidest thing to do, what I did next was the one thing that could have ruined everything. As soon as I felt safe enough that Mr Bolton wasn't coming back, I bolted for the front door, and prayed to the heavens that it wasn't locked. Slamming the door open I ran into the living room and sobbed, there was Troy, lying on the ground in blood. I closed my eyes at the sight. This scenario looked way to familiar, it felt way too close to home. So right then and there I felt like running, but my feelings for Troy overcame them. I wiped my tears and dropped to his side.

"Oh my God" I said, I placed my hand on his chest which oozed with blood, I ripped the shirt open and found the wound, and breathed out in relief, it wasn't deep enough for it to have truly done any damage, but if I didn't work quick enough it could get infected. I looked at his face, his eyes were closed and from the bit of blood that came from the back of his head gave me the impression that he knocked it pretty hard.

"Troy" I whispered, trying to hold the tears "Troy, can you hear me?" I said this as I touched his face, and wiped some of the blood away.

"Troy" I cried "Please be ok"

I leaned down and pressed my lips onto his, hoping that he would wake up, because there was no way I was going to be able to carry him out on my own, but I definitely needed to get him our of here. I didn't know how long I had my lips pressed to his, cause all of a sudden I felt his lips respond. I sat upright and breathed a sigh of relief.

"Gabi?"

"Shh" I said placing my fingers on his lips "I know what your going to say, but I need to get you out of here, please, just let me do that for you" I choked out.

He coughed out blood, and I took that as my answer. So as carefully as I could I maneuvered him so he leaned on my shoulder and I walked him out of the front door, not caring about locking it . I moved as quickly as I could to my car that was at the end of Troy's house, hiding behind a couple of big bushes, I situated him carefully into the front seat and buckled him up. Once I did that I looked at him helplessly and kissed his cheek.

"Please dont be angry with me" I had whispered the whole way back to my place, when I finally got him upstairs to my room I actually thanked the heavens for how much Zoe worked. But I soon forgot that as I went straight to work on fixing Troy's wounds with my old first date kit. I started crying out in just utter pain for Troy but myself too. As it wasn't long ago that I had used this kit on myself. Once I had Troy all cleaned and fixed , I just walked away, not wanting to wait with his reaction of me being there at his house.

But to be honest that was the least of my worries, all I could think of was what I had witnessed, I remembered Troy's eyes, they had actually looked scared, and it was the first time I had saw that. I couldn't believe how stupid this was, of course he was being abused, there was no other explanation, and it was there that I realised that it must have been going on even before we were going out. I sighed as I looked over at him quickly, he looked okay there, but I could tell that he was in pain, I couldn't stop myself remembering the day my life changed. 4 years old was way too young for anybody to go through what I did, but that didn't stop him....

_"You pathetic piece of shit! When are you going to realise that your daddy is dead Gabriella and that your mother married me, so that makes me your new daddy, and still you hate me"_

_I looked into his eyes, confused and scared out of my wits, right then I wished my mother was home, more than anything. I stared at him and started crying what else could I do?_

_"Are you crying?"_

_I jumped at the sound of his voice, and cowered backwards, until my back hit the wall._

_"Stop being a baby, cause if you want something to cry about then by all means keep it up"_

_I knew right then I should have stopped crying, but I couldn't stop, I just started heaving, who the hell did this man think he is? _

_"Your not my father so **STOP**__ TELLING ME WHAT TO DO!" I screamed. Right when I had said that silence endured, no one moved for a minute, my body shook with fright as I saw him make the first move._

_"You are going to wish you had never said that. Believe me"_

I sat up with a fright, and covered my face with my hands, the bashing I got wasn't the thing that broke me, it was what he did next that destroyed me. At the time I didn't know what was happening, but when I saw my own mother return home to find me in this very scary odd situation, I screamed, and screamed for her to help me, and she didn't. I knew then that my very innocence was being taken from me. I was never the same again. It was the first and last day that I found myself living the nightmare. I started heaving on my own sobs. How could anyone do that? How could my own mother just stand there? The look she gave me when I screamed at her to help me was heartbreaking, she just smiled this sickly sweet smile and shook her head, as if I were nothing.

"Gabi?"

I jumped, and touched my heart "Oh you scared me Troy"

"Sorry"

"It's ok" I said standing and moving over to sit on the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore" Troy said sitting up, and cringing in pain.

I looked down, waiting for what was supposed to come.

"You promised"

"I know"

"And you broke it"

I nodded my head "I don't know what I was thinking Troy, but I was lonely and needed to see you"

"You could of texted"

"You seemed rather busy as it is"

"You saw?"

I paused as my eyes met his, my eyes welled up on its own accord and I nodded. He stood in anger.

"You weren't supposed to"

"Troy" I whispered. "It's alright"

"No it's not, it's not alright, you promised me that you would never come to my house, YOU PROMISED! And you came over because you were lonely? You broke the promise because you were lonely!"

I stood up too then "YES!" I nodded "So I broke the promise, I'M SORRY! OK? But just because your angry about me seeing your dad abuse you, don't take it out on me, because I don't FUCKING CARE! All I care about is you Troy, YOU!"

"You say you don't "Fucking Care" But you do"

I rolled my eyes in frustration "I don't Troy, what I care about was your well being, do you know how scared I was? Of loosing you?"

He sighed looking down ashamed "You weren't ever meant to see that"

I looked at him, and realised then he was crying. I stepped towards him, my hands touching his bare chest in comfort.

"But I did, what happened happened, please don't be ashamed, do you really think that low of me? Do you really think I would leave because of something little as that?"

"Little? Gabi, that's not little, it's something huge, I wish you had ran, I wish you would have just left me there, my mum would of been home, she would of helped me, I never wanted you to get involved, your to precious to me, it's too dangerous for you to ever be near me, don't you see?"

I shook my head "No, I couldn't have just left you there, I-" I stopped mid sentence as I wrapped my arms around his waist, and buried my head in his chest "Please don't be angry at me because of that" I whispered.

He shoved me away "But that's the thing, I am angry at you because of that, you don't get it? Now that you know this relationship will be nothing but having pity on me. You'll feel sorry for me, or you'll try to put yourself in my position and try to think how I feel, but that's not going to happen Gabriella, because no one understands, no one! NO ONE!!"

I heaved, and pressed my hand to my stomach. This wasn't the time or place for me to spill my guts, but I couldn't lie to him anymore.

"Troy" I shook my head, and wiped my tears "I do understand, more than you know"

There was a pause, no one said anything. I stood, and looked into his eyes.

"When my father died, my mother packed everything and moved us to New York, I hated it with a passion, but I wasn't allowed to have a say in anything, as it was I was just 3 at the time. A couple of months later when we were both settled in I found out my mum was dating again, when I think back to it now, I realised that they had been seeing each other for a while, even before my dad was killed in the accident. But anyway I didn't know that at the time, but what made me angry was how fast she agreed to marry him, this man, this person who I didn't even know was going to be a figure father to me? Anyway when I first met him I knew that I hated him. But when he moved in after the marriage it was then I learnt that I was never going to get along with him"

"He tried everything in his power to be my father, by bossing me around, shouting at me, I hated it until one day I cracked, as 4 year old's do, which later I regretted as I got the bashing of my life but then got raped straight after woods. And yes your next question would be, did my mom know? Yes she knew, she walked in on the first time he did it, I tell you I screamed for her to help me, and she did nothing she just stood there. From then on, I was abused daily and raped nightly. Occasionally my mother would join in, other times he would bring home friends"

"I will never forget the first night that he did, each of them finding satisfaction in having there go with me, laughing in my face when I would scream in pain. The thing was that's all I did was scream, I never cried, I couldn't bring myself too, cause I knew if I did cry, I would suddenly realise just how worthless I really am" I paused and sat down, Troy followed, staring at me with an emotion I couldn't quite decipher.

"One day he forgot to wear a condom, I didn't realise at the time, but 2 months later I did when I finally found out I was pregnant. Now I know what your thinking, that how could I even think of keeping the baby? But my dad always taught meto never kill anything, not even a baby, I mean why should we make a decision to kill the baby, when it didn't ask to be conceived? Why should we make it stop breathing? So I made the decision to keep it and did everything in my power to keep it from them. I thought I was doing a pretty good job, until they started getting suspicious about my eating habits, and my protruding stomach. My mother then found out the truth, and told him of course. I screamed and fought them both, they wouldn't have any of it. That day he took the violence too far and thought he had killed me, I thought I was dead myself, but the next minute I awoke to in the hospital, and my stomach completely empty"

I looked at Troy then "So when you say that no one can understand it's not true, cause I understand more then anyone. I've been abused since I was young, I knew of nothing else, I barely even remember the love my dad gave me, all of it was destroyed by all the memories of what I went through. To this day I have nightmares, to this day I still flinch at anyone who touches me, you of all people would know that, surely you would have known Troy, surely, all the signs were there, all of them"

I shook my head, in utter helplessness "None of it will go away Troy, everyday I wake up and I feel nothing, the only time I feel at all free is when your around" I grabbed his hand and kissed it "So please don't push me away and say that your too dangerous to be around, because I've been through it all before, nothing, nothing can break me, because I'm broken already, I will be till the day I die" I heaved out a breath "So there's nothing you can do about it, I'm staying whether you like it or not"

I finally looked into his eyes then, which were filled with tears. My own tears fell on my face.

"You were only 4?"

I nodded. He shook his head, in pain? I wasn't sure.

"I'm so sorry Gabi, so so sorry"

"Your sorry?" I cried out in disbelief "Why are you saying sorry, you did nothing?"

"I'm sorry you went through such hell"

"Hey" I whispered, bringing his hand closer to my stomach "You go through it as well, so I guess I'm sorry too"

He wiped my tears, as he moved in closer to me. "Your so amazing you know that?"

I looked at him in shock, I didn't know that, I would never know that, but it was a nice concept to think of.

"If I'm amazing you must be amazing" I stated.

He rested his forehead on mine and slipped his hand under my shirt. He looked down, and lifted the shirt higher up and traced my scar.

"Is that?"

"Yes" I whispered.

He looked up into my eyes again, and I breathed in at the intensity I saw there. His eyes held mine with sincerity, care, pain, hurt, and there was one more emotion, I didn't know what it was, but I knew my eyes mirrored his.

"Your not worthless Gabi, you never will be" His hand cupped my cheek and rubbed soothing circles "I know your broken, just as much as I am, will you let me mend you?"

My hand splayed out on his chest, as my eyes yet again filled with tears "If you let me mend you?"

He nodded in confirmation. He layed me down, splayed out in front of him, my heart beat started beating and I was in utter shock to what was going to happen.

"You only ever know sex as a horrible experience, as something that can never be the same again. You've gone through life thinking your innocence was taking away from you. Yes that's true, but there is always more then one experience, in which you've have too many traumatic ones too count, but what I'm about to do is none of that, this experience is going to be slow and beautiful. And I want you to feel all of it"

Right then and there, I felt as if my heart came back together, cause the look that I couldn't decipher before came to me in that instant. Love. I realised than that what I felt for him was Love, even if I didn't realise it at the beginning. And even though none of us had actually said it, we both knew of those feelings. I smiled slightly at him, and raised my hand to his, and guided it to my shirt. He smiled slightly at me also. And leaned down and placed his lips on mine softly and smoothly. My eyes closed on its own accord, and I couldn't help but pull him in closer, which resulted in him being completely on me, which I didn't mind one bit.

For the next couple of minutes we just kissed trying out new things, searching and seeing what took each other over the edge. And when Troy finally slipped my shirt off and yet again traced my scar but with kisses I knew right then that I was worthy, I was worthy to myself, but most of all I was worthy to Troy, so when Troy slipped off the final bit of underwear and looked down at me as if I was an Angel, I knew then that what I was about to experience was going to be something beautiful and real.

**What do you think? This story is nearly finished, probably about 1-2 chapters..who knows.. :)..please review :)**

**Liesy xox**


	9. Chapter 8:The Light Shines through:A

**This is the first bit of chapter 7, please review, but I'm quickly writing the second part now, so you can read that on too, cos I want to finish both parts of this chapter, so I can finish this story...The scenario is the same one from the preface, now its different, and that's not how the scenario goes, but that's the dream Gabriella was having all this time.. except there was just one little addition added...go and find out.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing!... except the story.**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 8:The Light Shines through:A**

It's dark.

So dark.

I can't see any light.

It's cold.

So cold.

And yet I feel nothing.

I can feel my heart pounding heavily in my chest. And wet substance running down the side of my face, into my hair and finally my eyes. The stench is strong.

So much blood, my blood.

Where did it come from?

I can't breathe. Suffocating.

Is this what it feels like dying?

Cause then I've been dead already. And it's my soul that's finally leaving me.

There's a figure standing over me, who seems to familiar to me in my dreams. Why does this seem so real? I got a sudden bolt of hope, faith in myself that I hadn't ever seen before. So I screamed at him, screamed at him for taking her life, screamed at him for ruining my life and screamed at him to kill me, to do anything, to take away the pain. And then I opened my eyes and looked to my side, to see a tall figure, who looked familiar as well. I realised then it was Troy, his blue eyes looked at me helplessly, and I sobbed, and looked into his eyes telling him everything I couldn't.

I looked back at the man, the man that was nothing to me.

"Do it" I said. My voice sounding strange to my own ears. "DO IT!" I screamed. Staring. But not seeing.

I closed my eyes, as the loss of blood overtook my strength.

Until finally there was..

Everything.

"" ""

It was an ordinary day for me, wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, walk outside, and drive to school with Troy. Which is what I grew accustomed to, and I didn't mind one bit, I smiled at Troy, and then frowned.

"Did he punch you?"

Troy sighed and turned to face me "Yeah, but my eye isn't as bad as my chest, trust me"

I cringed "Oh Troy"

He only sighed again. I leaned over and placed my hand on his leg, and rubbed it softly.

"Why do you put up with it?"

"What else am I suppose to do? If I just up and leave, my mum will be left to pick up the pieces.."

"And what has she done to help?"

He looked at me with anger "She was not your mother Gabi, she's different, she goes through the abuse too, and she's the one that was always there, before you came along that is"

I smiled sadly "Sorry, I di-"

"It's ok, I shouldn't have snapped at you like that"

I just merely nodded, and got out of the car, and waited for Troy to lock it before we walked into the doors of East High....

"" ""

The day went on without any trouble. There was just one thing that made me feel uneasy. For some odd reason I felt like I was being watched, and usually it didn't bother me the slightest as I knew it was Troy, but now it gave me uncertainty a sense of danger, it didn't feel like Troy when he stared at me from a distance it felt like-

"Hey"

"Oh! Troy" I said turning to him, my hand placed on my chest "You scared me"

Troy cowered back slightly and frowned.

"Why what's wrong?"

"Why would anything be wrong?"

His frown turned into anger, but through the anger I saw the sadness.

"Well it's just I haven't made you jump in 3 months, you've been pretty good, and well I just feel that some thing's wrong"

I smiled, trying to give him a sense of normality "I'm fine really, I just didn't sleep well last night that's all"

And I looked at him, and saw the wheels turning, I prayed that he wouldn't question it. He closed his eyes in frustration.

"Fine, tell me the truth when you feel like being honest"

And he walked away.

"Troy" I shouted down the hall, but he didn't turn, and I closed my eyes in distress.

"" ""

He ignored me for the rest of the day, and I got even more distressed, because not only was Troy not talking to me, the feeling of being watched intensified. And all I wanted was Troy to hold me. With his arms around me I was able to feel safe. Sighing I walked to my locker knowing full well that I was walking home, as I was the last in the halls, and Troy didn't bother to wait for me. I rolled my eyes in anger, he could be an ass sometimes. Stopping in front of my locker, I opened it and stared at a loose piece of paper that fell to the ground. Frowning I bent over and picked it up. Reading the words that were on it, petrified I Turned to my locker, and grabbed everything I could, locked my locker and ran as fast as I could back to my house, back to safety, but not without dropping the note.

Troy walked down the other side of the hallway and stopped in front of Gabriella's locker and sighed in defeat, he didn't mean to snap at her like that, he was just a lot more angry than usual. Beginning to walk again he decided that if he was fast enough he might be able to spot Gabriella. Stopping when he saw a loose piece of paper he bent down and picked it up and read.

_"So how long did you think you could hide from me? Hell is closer than you think...."_

Before he could think what he was doing, he was in his car.

"" ""

As soon as I was inside I closed the door, and breathed in, how did he find me? How did he even know I was alive? How did he find out? So many questions, and yet they had no answers. I just couldn't understand, why did he have to come now? Just when I was finally feeling normal again, just when I was actually happy. For the first time I was able to smile, to feel, to feel worthy, and loved... And he just had to come now, and ruin it all. I suddenly felt anger instead of scared. I was not going to let him control me, to let him destroy me.

"Well Gabriella I think it has been a while"

Startled out of my thoughts, I looked towards the voice and frowned in anger.

"What are you doing here? This is my house, and your trespassing, I'm going to ask very kindly for you to leave, otherwise I'll call the police"

Instead of an actual response I got a laugh, and I shook in anger.

"Don't laugh at me, I want you to leave now!" I said this as I opened the door, and pointed outside.

"Now now, that's no way to talk to your guest, nor your father"

I clenched my fist and glared at him "You. Are. Not. My. Father, you were never my father"

Seeing his eyes turn to anger, the eyes I was so afraid of for years, made me feel strength and power.

"Yes and your real father is dead"

I smirked "Yes he is, my real father is _dead_, the one that raised _me_ when I was young, the one that **loved me.** You and my mother are nothing to me, you weren't then, you aren't now, you **never** will be" I said bitterly, trying to cover the sadness.

He took a step forward, I didn't move.

"That's not true, your mother and I have missed you dearly"

I snorted "sure you do, I don't care, I'm not going back there, this is my home now, so go" I said, standing my ground.

"Now you see, if I go home empty handed your mother won't be pleased"

"Well you poor lost soul, what's she going to do? I don't care, you can tell her to get stuffed"

He smirked, and I cringed.

"You either come quietly, or I drag you out of here, myself"

I shook my head and stood my ground "No, I'm not afraid of you anymore, I'm 17, I'm old enough to leave, and you did that yourself, you were stupid enough to think that you killed me, so you through me out on the streets, and now that I think about it, I have to thank you for that, because if you never killed Angel and almost tried to kill me I would never have experienced A life where I get to go to school, a life of feeling like a somebody, we're I'm loved and cared for by a mother I never had, or I would have never experienced the feeling of loving someone else, so thank you. Thank you so much because if you never did it, I would never be here now."

His face said it all, his posture was stiff, his face seathed with anger, and I didn't even cower, I was no longer afraid of him, I was no longer going to let him destroy me, there was a time where I would have loved him to destroy me, but now that I'm actually alive again, I could never let him take that away from me, never again was I going to be his "little nobody".

I breathed in, and let the silence linger, I stood firm, and tried to keep my breathing straight, so he wouldn't see just how distressed I was. Finally he looked at me, and I held my breath.

"Well is that so, you never were one to listen to my instructions, or listen to me at all, but I'm sorry, the fun I had with you is not finished yet"

In 3 quick strides he was in front of me, he touched my cheek and I closed my eyes in disgust.

"Don't. Touch. me" I said, shivering.

Instead he slapped the side of my face.

"I think that mouth of yours should shut up, but lucky for you, I'm going to forget your rudeness, and pretend it never happened, so if you don't mind, before we go, I'm going to have a bit of fun"

"If you even touch her, I'll kill you"

I looked over his shoulder into the eyes of Troy's and then I broke, seeing him there, was not what I intended.

"Now now, what do we have here? Is this the boy you were telling me about" As he said this, he wrapped his arm around my waist, and crushed me to his side, as he looked at Troy. "What's it like fucking her when you know I was there first?"

I looked up at him and spat in his face "It's not like that" he tightened his grip around me and said "Shut your mouth" I started wriggling. "Let me go" Instead he grabbed me by the hair and threw me across the room.

"You couldn't be a good girl, you just had to be a stupid bitch didn't you" his face went down into mine, and I sobbed in pain. "And because of your poor judgement you get to watch me kill your boyfriend"

My heartbeat picked up, and everything drowned out as everything just seemed to go slower in time, hearing something flicker I looked up at Michael and saw the gun in his hand, there wasn't much time to think, as soon as I heard it go off, I was off the floor in a second, and in that second, I was in front of Troy. I didn't hear a thing, as the pain I felt in my stomach was too bearable, I felt myself falling, and before I could even feel the floor Troy's arms were around mine in an instant.

I looked up at him helplessly, and sagged in his arms, shaking violently.

"Troy I" He shook his head, his eyes watering. He placed his hand on my cheek and rubbed it "shh, don't say anything, every thing's going to be ok, just fine, so all you have to do is stay awake for me ok"

I looked at him "I don't know if I can do that" I said in between shaky breaths, Troy looked down at me "Yes you can, and you will, your a fighter, the police are already here, before I came, I called them, they heard the gun go off, so the ambulance should be here in a couple of seconds, so all you have to do, is stay awake"

"Troy"

"No!" He shook his head in anger, but I could see through it "You are not going to die" He paused and placed his forehead on mine "I can't lose you, not now, not ever"

"Shh" I said not sure how I found the energy to lift my hand and touch his cheek "I....Love you Troy and....you won't lose me..." Suddenly feeling tired I closed my eyes as I let the pain consume me. The last thing I heard was.

"I love you too"

**tell me what you think? I'm off to quickly do the next part...after that there's only one more chapter to go :)**

**Liesy**


	10. Chapter 8:Screaming I love you so:B

**So this chapter is really full on , it was really really hard for me to write and I cried heaps in this one, because if you don't remember I wrote this for my best friend that died, who went through everything that Gabriella in this story went through. Except her experiences were worse, and I still miss her, it has only been 3 months since her murder, and there are days I find myself thinking of her, and in a way I wrote this story for myself and her, to tell her story. To make people realise just how horrible rape and Abortion is. Of course there is some differences, my friend was actually made to get an Abortion, where as Gabby fought for it, and got it killed anyway. But children/teenagers of both sexes go through it everyday, and I just don't think it's not right that these things aren't told. Anyways you'll be getting a bigger explanation in the Epilogue and of course thank yous. So please for all times sake, could you review this story. It would mean so much to me. So soo much.**

**Disclaimer: Don't own a thing!... except the story.**

**Decode:**

**Chapter 8:Screaming I love you so:B**

I felt strange, it wasn't like last time. I mean the pain last time was just unbearable, sure being shot hurt a lot, but I knew that I wasn't going to die, so when I told Troy that I wasn't leaving him. I meant it. But now I just felt strange, like I was floating. I no longer felt pain, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel anything at all. When I opened my eyes, I blinked in confusion, wasn't I supposed to be in a hospital? Because if you say a white room, with a door at the end a Hospital with no beds is a hospital then you must be delusional, or maybe I'm the delusional one.

After a couple of minutes of just standing there, I made a move to the door, gently placing my hand on the handle I turned it and opened the door to a wide room, that was yet again white. My eyes traveled forward until they landed on a girl, no older then 2 years old , standing in the middle of the room with a smile on her face. Looking more closely I looked into a pair of familiar pair of soft brown eyes, curly brown hair, cheekbones that were fairly defined for a child, and cheeks that circled finely around a cute button nose and plump little lips. It was then I realised just who this girl was.

But before I could say anything, the girl walked up to me, and wrapped her arms around me, I was too shocked to move, and before I could react she pulled away and looked up at me "I have never blamed you for anything, it wasn't your fault, it has never been your fault, and I have never stopped loving you"

I openly sobbed and placed my hand on her cheek and whispered "I love you too Angel" Her smile was so beautiful that it blinded me, it was like looking in a mirror except smaller, in an instant I had her in my arms, and I didn't let go. Not once did I let go. Finally after a while I sat with her on my lap.

"Aren't you a bit to young to be able to speak full sentences?"

She merely shrugged and smiled "In case you haven't noticed, nothings impossible"

I smiled then, realising she was right, she was so much like me that I was almost in tears again, breathing in I finally asked "Am I dead?"

"No"

"Th-"

"Your in a portal, it's in between the road to heaven and earth"

"I'm in a portal?"

"Yes, I just said that"

I rolled my eyes "Ok sorry, I'm just trying to get it through my head that's all, it's a lot to process"

She merely nodded "Yeah"

"So if I'm not dead, why am I here?" I looked at her expectantly, and waited for a response.

"Your here because it was all part of your life plan, and because most importantly he wanted you here"

"Who's 'he'? " I said confused.

"God"

She said it so metaphorically that I believed her, how could I not? She was my daughter, and she had been here longer then I have, so she would know the truth, I mean I wouldn't be able to talk to her on earth, like this, and this just seems way to real to be a dream.

"God" I whispered.

"Why did he choose you and not my dad?"

"Because he knew that I was the better one to do this one job, and because he wanted me to fix somethings, which I think I did"

I nodded "You did"

She smiled up at me "You do realise you have to go"

I sighed, my eyes watering "I don't know if I can now"

She shook her head yes "Yes you can, and you will, what about Troy? He needs you mum, you need to be there for him, just as much as you need him there as well, trust me you won't ever be content without him here"

I looked at her tearfully and nodded "I promise I won't ever forget you"

She smiled through her tears, which I only just realised "I won't ever forget you either mummy, never"

I crushed her to my chest, and held her so tightly that I thought I was suffocating her, but then I realised she was doing the same thing, so I didn't worry after that. After a couple of minutes I pulled back a bit and looked at her for the last time. Her own eyes looking back at me, with such emotion and care. I shuddered and touched her cheek, which was so soft under my fingertips, bending down I placed a kiss on her forehead and closed my eyes, moving back again I whispered "I love you, don't ever think otherwise"

She grabbed my hand and nodded "I love you too mummy"

Finally I turned with her hand in mine, and walked back to the open door that I walked through only a couple of hours ago.....

"" ""

I awoke feeling like I was drowning, startled I took a breath in and closed my eyes in relief. Looking around my surroundings I smiled when I finally looked down to see a sleeping Troy beside me holding my hand. The hand that wasn't occupied by Troys reached as far as I could and brushed through his hair, only smiling when he looked up at me. Finally after all the silence Troy smiled and said "Your awake"

I smiled at the obvious "Yes, I am"

He stood and leaned over me, and rested is forehead on mine, his eyes closing contently "You have know idea how worried you made me yesterday"

I sighed sadly "I know and I'm sorry, if I had just told you the truth in the first place th-"

He cut me off by placing his lips on mine, pulling away he shook his head "No none of this is your fault, none of it"

"But it's not yours either"

He looked at me, his face saying otherwise. I placed my hand on his cheek and smiled "I could never blame you, never"

His eyes closed, which I knew he was doing to hide the sadness.

"Hey" I whispered "Look at me"

When he finally opened his eyes, I linked our hands and placed it on my stomach "We both made mistakes"

He sighed in relief. After a bit of silence I moved over carefully so not to open my stitches and patted the spot beside me. Getting the idea he lay down beside me straight away, and unconsciously my head fell on his shoulder.

"You have know idea how scared I was, I would have taken that bullet you know"

I looked at him "I know, I just couldn't let him hurt you, he was my past, he was something I had to deal with Troy, just like your father. I could not let him shoot you, I couldn't have let you die"

"So you would let yourself die?"

"But I didn't die"

"You could have"

I sighed, and sat up, and cringed in pain "Troy, I didn't die, but you have to understand there is not one thing I would not do for you, and I think you know that now"

He looked at me with intense eyes and finally backed down "Ok just, could you maybe tell me next time you go to die for me please"

I looked at him and smiled "Of course"

Laying back down I smiled, breathing in his scent. After a couple of minutes of silence I whispered "I saw her Troy"

"Who?" He said looking down at me.

"My daughter Angel"

I looked up at him.

"I never told you before, because I was scared of many things, most of all myself, it was the guilt I felt of what I had to do, it was the guilt of not being able to protect her, the shame I felt, that made me not tell you"

Troy simply stared at me and said nothing. So I continued on.

"I know you may think I'm crazy, but she was really there Troy, and she was so so beautiful, she looked so much like me, there was not a sign of Michael in her, it was all me, and when I walked into the door the first thing she said to me was: _I have never blamed you for anything, it wasn't your fault, it has never been your fault, and I have never stopped loving you, _and when she said that, I broke down in front of her, because after all these years I thought she would hate me, hate me with a passion" I paused, and wiped a tear as I stared up into Troy's eyes "But she doesn't hate me, she loves me" I sobbed "She loves me" Taking a breath I looked down to my stomach, and rubbed it.

"Did you think I would hate you when you told me?"

I looked up then and said nothing "I don't know, I really don't know"

"But you do" He said earnestly "You did, you thought I would have left you once you told me"

I wiped a tear and sat up, and nodded "Yes ok, I did, but what was I supposed to say anyway?"

"How about the truth"

I sighed "It was better for me to have not said anything"

"So what, were you just going to keep it from me forever?"

I shook my head "No not forever.... I don't know but I just thought now was a good time"

He looked at me and I sighed softly.

"I'm sorry ok? I am, but you have to understand at the time I wasn't strong enough to tell you what happened, what happened to me, how she died, I don't even think I'm strong enough now, but you know what? You never told me about your father, you didn't tell me, and I never once got angry at you for not telling me"

"That's different"

"How's it different?" I said angrily. I stared him down and shook my head "There's nothing different about it, you were the same.

"Yeah but I've only been abused, Gabriella you were raped and went through losing a baby, that's what makes it different"

I breathed in angrily "There ju-"

"Don't say there little things, they are not little things, being raped nearly every single day since you were 4 and losing a baby when you were 16 does not make it little"

"And how would you know? Tell me Troy, you don't know anything about me"

"That's true, I don't, because you won't tell me anything"

I was off the bed in a half beat "Because I'm fucking scared what you would say, of how you would react, everything you do Troy I respond to, I don't know what to think sometimes, I'm just so afraid that that.."

"That I'll hurt you, leave you"

I turned to him, with tears around my face.

"Well your wrong, whatever you went through, I don't care about, I don't care about any of it, but I can't help you if you don't tell me"

"Why do you even care Troy, why? Why must you know"

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU"

I looked at him, and breathed heavily, I know that it was the second time we said it, but it was so foreign to my ears, and well I was shot, so I didn't know what the hell I was saying anyway.

"Why?"

"Why?" He said incredulously, he got off the bed and stood in front of me "Because your amazing, because you mean something to me, I don't know, it just happened, and I love you so much, so so much, and I want to be able to fix whatever's been killing you"

We simply looked at each other then, finally feeling the wound I walked over to the bed, and lay down, seeing that he followed me with his eyes, I patted the side of my bed, which he understood instantly and layed down beside me. For a while all there was was silence. Until finally Troy broke it.

"How did she die?"

I wiped my eyes and took a breath in.

"I got in a fight with Michael, about Angel, and he got angry at me, and kicked me in the stomach, and stabbed my stomach" I said, chocking on my words "I don't remember much after that, but I know he through me out on the streets, and before Zoe found me, I awoke" I looked up at him "Barely anyway, and I knew that the amount of blood that was oozing out was most probably drowning the baby, but she was probably dead anyways, and don't ask me how I did it, but I knew if I didn't give birth to her, I was most probably going to kill her and myself, I had to do something, anything, so I got up and started walking, I guess it helped that I was also in labour that day, but it was so much more painful" I paused to catch my breath "Once she was finally out, I took one look at her and new she was suffocating to death, there wasn't anything I could do, I was too late, the knife reached the womb and.....anyway, I wrapped her into a jacket and dug a hole and buried her there, but not before I watched her die in my hands" My tears were falling uncontrollably "She was just so defenseless and she was in so much pain, so I just held her and watched her choke to death. After 2 hours of sobbing at the hole I dug up, I walked back out onto the side walk and collapsed. That's all I remember"

I looked back up at Troy and hiccuped "It was all my fault, all of it, I was the reason I got pregnant, I was the reason she's dead" I shook my head helplessly "There are still times now that I wake up in the middle of the night and hear crying, I get up thinking it's Angel and then realise that it's just me going crazy" I touched my stomach "The scar is a reminder of the knife he used, the knife I made him use on me, all because I couldn't keep my mouth shut-"

"Hey" I closed my mouth.

"Now you listen here, it was not your fault that your step father was a sick bastard, it was not your fault your step father didn't wear protection, it was not your fault you wanted to keep the baby alive, it was not your fault that he stabbed you, none of it was your fault, not even watching Angel choke to death was your fault, none of it, you hear me? You did not make Michael rape you everyday, that's all Michael, none of it is you"

I buried my head into his chest and sobbed.

"I just wish that I could have saved her, just somehow"

I felt his hand under my chin and looked up into his eyes "I know you do, and there is nothing wrong with that, nothing, it's healthy to think that way, but like Angel said, she doesn't blame you, I certainly don't blame you, so why do you keep going around in circles? Because if you don't truly forgive yourself, you won't ever move on. That's the only thing that's holding you back, it's not Michael, it showed last night, it's not Angel, you told me so before, it's just you. As the saying goes: Forgive and Forget"

Wiping my eyes I looked into his and sighed and nodded "It will take a while, but I think I can do it"

"Of course you can do it, because I'll be there every step of the way, in everything bad and good that comes your way, and there to Decode just exactly what your hiding from me and the world"

Not being able to help it I smiled and kissed him slowly, showing him just how much I love him. Pulling away I whispered "I love you"

When I finally opened my eyes I breathed out in utter emotion, Troy's eyes said everything, the coldness was still there, but as he said to me I too was able to Decode his true feelings.

"I love you too" He said touching my cheek with his hand "Always will"

**Soo what do you think? Last chapter, the Epilogue will be out soon. now in the last chapter she does say she lost her baby, but didn't go into detail, that's what Troy wanted he just wanted the truth the details, so he could truly help her...neways i hope that was ok, it was most definately draining for me, but you'll make me feel heaps better if you review...**

**thanks.**


	11. Epilogue: I'm Alive in You

**Sorry for the awfully long wait...i got to caught up in holidays, and i got writers block..which i must say made me really angry haha...neways here's the long overdue Final chapter...I hope this does the story justice..and I hope you like it..There will be a bigger AN at the bottom of this last chapter...so please do read it :)**

**Thank you xoxo**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything other then the story line :).. that's it unfortunately **

**Epilogue: I'm Alive In You**

My life as I speak now. Is perfect. Amazing. Fabulous. Magnificent. Peaceful. Free..

If you had of asked me that 6 years ago I would have said the opposite. But now as I look back at my life, all I see is a past that destroyed me. There are still times I scream at night, and there are sometimes where I panic, but through all those times I know Troy will be there for me every step of the way. After that one significant day things changed drastically. I was in the hospital for a good 3 days, and during that time Zoe found out what happened, which left me with no choice about telling her my past. Troy held my hand as I cried, and Zoe hugged me as she cried, and told me she would fix things straight away. And that she did, she organised a group of lawyers, and took my Mum and Michael to court. It was a very scary concept, seeing them again after such a long time, but Troy didn't leave once and was there in the front row as I testified in front of the whole audience. There wasn't one single dry eye there, except for Troy of course. It didn't take much convincing of the court, they were sentenced to Jail for life. That was one burden off my shoulders. The next was counselling. Which I didn't want to do at all but Zoe and Troy persisted and I gave in in the end, and I learned to like it. I liked my psychologist, he was nice enough and went through the same experiences as me, so that made me feel a whole lot better. That still continues on to this day. That wasn't the only thing that changed, Troy's mum Cathy divorced Troy's dad and they moved into a different house. To say that Troy changed drastically was an understatement. He was so much more easy going, now don't get me wrong he still held that aura of "danger" which I ignored. It was apart of him, and I loved all of him. In my last year of school Zoe signed some papers to adopt me, which made me the most happiest person ever, I was happy to have her as a mother, and even called her mum every so often. But it sounded strange to my ears, so I didn't say it all the time.

I became more involved with the school, I found a close friend in Kelsi and Chad, both of which were really good to me and Troy, we all sat at the same table at lunch and hung out at my house after School. We all went to the University Of Mexico, which was only 2 hours away, and all rented a 7 room flat that Zoe and I helped pay for, as it was close to the Uni. Me and Troy didn't want to live in the dorms, and we decided that a flat would be the best idea. And then Soon after woods we invited both Chad and Kelsi seeming as we had enough room.

I studied Music and Film with Kelsi. After doing some different techniques in my counselling I discovered a love for music and film, and never turned back, with the help of Kelsi also. Chad studied English, which I thought fit well as he was the top student in English. But what surprised me more was what Troy studied; Psychology, his reason was he wanted to help abused and raped victims, and said that I inspired him. I smiled at that. Me and Troy just got closer over the years, never left each others side. After both graduating Uni we bought a small 3 bedroom unit, that strayed close to where Zoe lived. Troy instantly opened up a psych firm, where as I became a small piano and singing teacher.

Soon after Troy proposed, I was so filled with Joy that I didn't really notice Zoe's or Cathy's reactions, which might I add were even more ecstatic then I was. We got married a year later, it was a nice small spring wedding. With only our closest friends and family. Which I didn't have much, but later on found out I had an Uncle, brother to my father. Kelsi was my Bride of honor, Chad being Troy's best man, both Cathy and Zoe were there, with there partners, which me and Troy had no problem with. We invited a couple of Uni friends, and a couple of Friends from our Jobs. My wedding dress was white and strapless, with old jewellery and lace material embedded in the right places, I got it made and it was the only expensive accessory in the wedding. My hair was done up in a nice doe, with small braids and twists. The Theme colouring was blue, for the bridesmaids dress and everything else. We married in a small church, swapped vowels we wrote, and I took the name Bolton. Our reception was held at Zoe's house, it seemed fitting as it was huge, we took everything out of the house, and had open space, and tables circling around the dinning area, with fairy lights and flowers outlining the walls. It was beautiful. And as a wedding present from Zoe and Cathy they both bought us a house, it was just as huge and extravagant as Zoe's. Troy and I Laughed when we saw it.

We soon got used to Married life, and made the most of everyday. Troy would make sure that everyday was something specail for me, and he never ceased to make me fall even more in love with him. It was a couple months later that I fell pregnant. Troy was over the moon when I told him the news, there wasn't a day where we weren't discussing name possibilities, or the plans for the bedroom. He didn't miss one appointment, and screamed with joy when we found out it was going to be a baby girl. There was never a time where he hated the mood swings, there was never a time he complained when he would have to get up in early hours of the morning to get whatever it was that I was craving, he was the perfect husband, and I knew that he was going to be a even better daddy, and it made me smile with joy all the time.........

It was late June, and lunch had just finished, and I had only just strayed away from my daughter and Troy, to a similar path that I thought was familiar. Stopping to catch my breath, I took a look at my surroundings and new that this wasn't just my imagination. Walking up a hill, I stopped at the top and looked around for a particular patch of dirt. Stopping, when I noticed it, I kneeled down and began to dig up a bit of the dirt. There was something in me that made me continue, making me want to search what was there. Suddenly feeling something foreign, I brushed some of the dirt and came across some material, placing my hand on my mouth, I choked back a sob and realised then what this was. Slowly, and with gentle care, I grasped a bit of the material and lifted it up. My eyes widened at the sight. There she was, in all her little glory. It was Angel. She was so tiny, tinier then I remembered, and the pinkness that was there all those years ago was now gone, and replaced with a pale white. She still looked beautiful, and thankfully her face wasn't at all screwed up. Gently, I touched her skin, and gasped at how smooth it was, why hadn't I come here before now? Why didn't I remember that this was the park? It was these thoughts that made me feel remorse, did I forget her? No I didn't forget her, I just simply moved on and forgave myself. Even though I know now that it was never my fault in the first place. Through all of this thinking, I didn't hear, someone approach and screeched loudly when someone touched my shoulder.

"Gabi!?"

I placed my hand on my chest, and looked up into the eyes of Troy.

"Sorry, you startled me"

He nodded confusedly.

"I was getting worried, when I didn't see you"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wonder off like that, I just got distracted by this place and-.... Wait a minute, where's Stacie" I stood up hurriedly "You didn't l-"

Troy grabbed my arm before I could escape and said "Hey, it's ok, we bumped into Chad, he's with her"

My heart beat slowed down "Oh good, good, well of course, you would never leave her there alone, how silly of me"

Troy looked at me then, really looked at me. And I realised that he was going to assess that something was wrong.

"You've been crying"

"No-"

He raised his eyebrow "How long have I known you? And why are you getting all defensive, you haven't been this defensive since, high school"

"I am-"

"Yes you are"

I sighed and closed my eyes, there was no lying to Troy, it was one of the things that annoyed the both of us, cause we were both able to decipher when the other was lying or not. Opening my eyes again, I looked into his eyes and smiled sadly at him.

"She's here Troy, I didn't realise it, I didn't know, but....this was where I buried her"

Troy's hand tightened on my wrist then and turned around to look more closely at the hole, that he didn't see before. Letting my hand go, he kneeled down, and took a closer look maybe? I didn't know, but all I know is that time seemed to speed through a couple more minutes. Finally he stood and took my hand.

"She's beautiful"

I looked into his eyes then and smiled sadly "She is" My other hand came up to rest on Troy's chest, as I pulled his shirt to bring him closer. He instantly wrapped me into his arms, and I buried my head into his chest. I didn't cry, I just needed him to hold me, this was something, that was still difficult for me. Loosening my hold on him, I looked up into his face again and said.

"She's too far away, she needs to be closer to me, I want to bury her beside my father"

"Of course" Troy said, looking at me thoughtfully, and placed a kiss to my forehead "If that's what you want, then you have it"

I closed my eyes and nodded "That's what I want"

Troy squeezed me closer, and whispered "You know I love you, right?"

I looked up then and smiled "And you know I love you, right?"

He smiled his smile that was only reserved for people he loved and cared for.

"Of course" He stated.

"Of course" I whispered and leaned up to connect our lips together, he leaned down also, and covered my lips with his. Breaking apart I smiled up at him.

"I have been thinking back about my past lately" I waited to see his reaction, he just looked at me "And I realised that It was all because of you that I am standing here today"

He smiled "You saved me also"

I smiled in return. I reached up to connect our lips again, but paused, which surprised him.

"I'm Alive in you"

And then I planted my lips on his.

THE END!

**Soo. what do you think? Was that good enough for peoples liking?**

**This whole story was based on a very very close friend of mine. Her name was Catrina Smith, and she died in September last year, at the age of 16. Everything you read now was obviously tweaked a bit, but the majority of it all was the truth. She was abused daily and raped nightly, unfortunately for her she had brothers that were also made to join in. Her mother was even meaner and harder then the mother in my story, and the father was way way crazier in real life. She really did fall pregnant, but instead of what happened in the story (which can happen, I know this cause I talked to a specialist in this category) she was made to have an abortion. I won't get into anymore details, but the reason I wrote this was a way of trying to find myself in a place of understanding, cos she came to me and told me all of this, and at first I didn't believe her, that was until I met her family, and stayed over one night, we ended up escaping and coming back to my place. But anyways this was my way of dealing with my loss, we were really close, and to this day I miss her dearly. But my other reason of this story was to make people realise that this does happen, and that abuse and rape should not be treated lightly. They are serious crimes, and the victim that goes through it, is never the same again, sure they can move on from it, but there will always be those memories, those nightmares that will forever haunt them. The other element of this story was Abortion, now we all have different opinions, and my opinion is pro-life, and my friend was too. Even though your all probably thinking that that's sick that how could she keep a baby that was her fathers? well it's simple really. Her reasoning was that she did not want to take a life, even if it was her fathers, and that was just as much hers too. And sure she told me that it would be hard to carry the baby and know that half of it was the cause of her father, and then also when the baby would finally be born she said it would be hard to look at it, and not be able to breakdown, but the big thing out of all of this was, she said that she didn't care, all she cared about was the human being that was alive in her, a heart beat that beat with the same rhythm as hers, and so she told me she was not going to be the person to take that away, as it was not the babies fault that she was conceived, and that don't you think it should have a choice on whether it lives or not? And to be honest I couldn't agree more. She lost that battle of course, and was made to have the abortion. I lost her that day completely. **

**I'm about finished this part, but I just wanted to get all this across to you, and I hope I did it justice, I feel there were bits that could have been done better, but it was very difficult to do, as I found myself in tears whenever I came and wrote a chapter of this story.**

**Thank you so much to the people who did review this. There weren't many, but I don't mind, at least I got a few, and it was those few that kept me going, and kept me coming back to this story. So thank you all for your kind words.**

**I hope I was able to make you all proud.**

**So please. For my sake and the sake of it being the last chapter, would you review this last chapter?**

**Liesy xox**


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